I hAte LiFe BuT i DoN't WaNnA dIe!

2012-02-11T09:41:00.002+08:00

So.

I am pissed off.

That's right. I am so pissed off right now that I am being super unfriendly.

So Prof X who I blog twice about turns out to be... such...a dissappointment.

I am done.
Done.
DONE

This is Bad pt 2

2012-02-05T16:45:00.001+08:00

Well.

LET'S NOT FORGET THAT REALLY REALLY TOTALLY ANNOYING GIRL IS ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO TRY BECAUSE SHE CAUGHT YOUR EYES.

ARGH! ANNOYING!!!!

CAN YOU JUST GO HOME NOW? LIKE LEAVE HER. OBVIOUSLY NOT.

ARGH! ARGH! ARGH!

This is Bad

2012-02-05T09:29:00.002+08:00

No matter how many times I say "I don't like you anymore", "You're so annoying.", "Stupid boy, you don't even notice."... I still end up talking about you with my friends, sister and anybody who would want to listen.

It's like a pull and push thing. By myself.

The more I push, the more I'm pulled.

It's irritating. And I absolutely hate it. I feel like banging my head on the wall sometimes and it doesn't make sense.

Nothing make sense these days.

Then, I realize that you don't know, right? I mean, I am not really showing anything here. I am on with other people who teased you about a girl. I called you "bro".

I don't flirt with you or anything.
I don't even know how.

So, I can't really blame you, can I? You're not psychic or anything and it's not your fault that you can't see me trying. Cause, in the end, I am not really trying, right?

(oooooo, Januver just gave a thumbs up and smiled!!!! Made my day.)

Trying would be me ....

Looking nice for you.
Talking to you all the time.
Asking for your phone number.
Comment and Like all the things you post on FB (which you do on the regular)
Telling you how you're attractive.
Losing all the darn weight on me.
and just try to be perfect for you.

But, I am not doing anything. So, I don't think I have the right to complain.

So what is this blog for?

I don't know. Just feeling sorry for myself except when Januver gave a thumbs up and smiled...I was just happy.

HAHA.

Hi People

2012-02-02T20:42:00.002+08:00

My schedule until the 19 feb.

I think I killed.

My social Life.

Pick up lines

2012-01-23T18:37:00.002+08:00

Girl: I have a BF.
Guy: I have a pet fish.
Girl: What?
Guy: Oh, I thought we were listing things we have that didn't matter.

(awwwww)

Guy: Excuseme, if I go this way, will I be able to reach your heart?

(LOL, Cheesy!!!)

Guy: Would you sleep with a stranger.
Girl: NO.
Guy: Then, My name is ___. Let's get to know each other.

(Got me laughing)

Guy: Here's a $10. Drink something until I'm good looking. Then come over and talk to me.

(Desperate...but funny!)

Guy: *breaks ice in front of girl"
Girl: =.=
Guy: now that the ice is broken, what's your name?

(Would like to see this happen.)

I wonder

2012-01-23T17:36:00.004+08:00

So.

I just want to say that there is this guy at my work place who is just amazingly beautiful. I can't get my eyes off him when I see him around.

He's a normal chinese boy who looks somewhat malay but there's something chinese about him (I guess it happens when he speaks mandarin).... and of course, the only thing that does not makes him so normal...is he's just so gorgeous.

Beautiful and brilliant.

I heard he was waiting for UNI. wow... all those uni people who will get to see him.

And that one person who will have his heart... I am so jealous.

I wonder if he knows that he is beautiful..by way of his gestures, I guess he doesn't... or he does and he's being humble about it.

But he's just so amazingly beautiful.

I wonder if he even knows that some people talk about him... even blog about him. Telling other people how beautiful he is. How, by just looking at his face, it changes a person's day.

I talked to him a few times... Gosh, my heart was racing although it was just a casual chat.

His beautiful face is breath taking.

I mean it, I sometimes hold my breath when I looked at him. I just can't breath.

I wonder what god was thinking creating beautiful people like him and making them oh-so-friendly and nice.

God must have been having a good day that day.

If you haven't seen him...maybe his name would make you want to see him.

Januver.

Exotic, isn't it, the name?

I wonder what his parents was thinking when they named him. They probably couldn't even come out with a normal name as their son was just breath takingly beautiful. I wonder what they were feeling seeing such a beautiful boy in their arms.

I wonder what it feels like to be on the recieving end for his love. His attention. His kisses. I really do wonder if the girl he will be kissing would die out of joy. He's such a beautiful man. I wonder if the girl would just hope to no end that he'll pick her as his wife. Then just wish her baby would look exactly like him.

I wonder if he even know all these.

CNY

2012-01-23T12:27:00.004+08:00

So today is CNY and I am at work. So bored out of my wits because there is no calls. And I don't really have any pending work.
So Here I am.

I have half a mind to do a review of two albums I just bought...but i really want to do a video vlog. So I am probably not going to do it here.

But the two albums are:

TeenTop 2nd Mini Album It's

Mblaq 4th Mini album It's War

I just want to say that this is worth all the money that I spent. I have no regrets and give both of the album the "oh ma goodness i have to have it" rate.

The first time I heard the albums, I was blown away. I mean it. EVERY single track on the album is just so fantastic and I am never this satisfied with any album. There is always a disappointing song somehow or not to my liking.

But both of these albums did not.

I strongly suggest that you buy this album. Please support their music as they so deserve it. These two bands they deserve your love and support!

Ok. I am going to think of a script now for my video.

Toodles, y'all.

If you could just forgive me..

2012-01-22T10:11:00.003+08:00

You forgive me for liking you too much,
And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,
And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,
And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games,
And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,
And I'll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,
And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,
And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,
And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,
And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,
And I'll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.Do we have a deal?

HOON is BLOOD TYPE A!!!!

2011-12-26T10:14:00.002+08:00

Just realize that the love of my life share the same blood type as me.

Amazing.

I love you, Hoon.

Updating

2011-12-26T08:33:00.005+08:00

I haven't been updating for a while and now I will.

Not for you.

But for me.

I realize when I pen ( or Type) my thoughts down for the day and when I read it in the future...I can see how much I change. So when people tell me I am so different from when I was then, I would believe them.

I just want to pen a thought that I love to waste my time on love. Really. It's so pointless but apparently my heart have no way to see it.

Am I getting too emotional? Shall I explain the situation first? Alright, I will.

Situation:

Guy: Prof. X

The first time I saw Prof. X, I was attracted already. It suck cause I brand myself as someone who doesn't fall for just looks... but, apparently, this time I did. Firstly he looks like this guy.

Of course.... Not as handsome, but somehow he have something similar. So with me and my big mouth...I went to tell him.

"Hey, I just have to let you know that you look like one of the KPOP star I know."

The moment I said this. I cringe at my stupidity. Seriously, I think desperation is making me stupid...knocking off my IQ to a single digit.

Prof X looked at me and laughed.

"Ya, I know! Because of my small eyes, right? Thanks lah."

Now, he's funny too... I liked him even more...I am so... easy.

So, now I like him alot and the more I know about him the more.. I just...fall. He's funny, adorable and just... a nice guy (Although, his fashion may need some help... he wore shorts... with slippers...)But of course, how can life be fair, huh? It never was for me...

Instead of the guy just not being interested in me... life decided to make me fall for someone who would not even give me the time of the day but make me like a guy who is so obviously chasing another girl.

Who, apparently, have a boyfriend.

So it's like playing catching, although none of them know we are actually just running in circles.

Me chasing after him. Him chasing after her. and she... just not realizing this and just be a friend to him.

I just wish he turn back somehow...and this false hope that I never fail to have...it's killing me.

I can just not chase Prof. X, right? I totally can and I should. I mean, where the hell have I place my pride and dignity. I should just stop and I tried.

I swear I tried... but yesterday, the me with the no brain, went out to buy things to do my nails and all the while when I was doing my nails.... I was thinking, would Prof. X think it's nice when I show him later at work...

WTF.

Why am I like this? Fall so many times. Got rejected so many times. Got hurt so many times. But I am still the same.

Great, huh?

wow! Best Fanfic ever

2011-12-25T14:00:00.001+08:00

So here I am... Blogging while I am suppose to work... But I saw this and I really had fun imagining...

U Kiss Scenario : Celebrating Christmas Together. [3]
Hoon
You : Yeoboseyo?
You picked up your phone, the other end remained quiet.
You : Yeoboseyo?
You asked again. Hoon started to cough into the receiver, clearing his throat.
You : Hoon?
Hoon started singing a Christmas love song. You smiled and listened to him finish the song.
Hoon : Look out of your window.
You got up from your bed and draw back the curtains, looking down. Hoon drew a huge heart in the snow and stood in the middle of it. You smiled and jumped off your bed, grabbing your coat and ran downstairs.
Hoon : Merry Christmas!
He smiled, opening his arms wide as you crashed into him. You looked at him and kissed him.
You : I thought you said you’ll be in Japan.
Hoon smiled mischievously. You smiled and hugged him tight.
Hoon : Hey.
He squeezed your waist a little and you looked up at him. Hoon pulled out a bracelet which has both your names engraved on a small metal plate.
Hoon : Like it?
He looked at you as you took the bracelet from him, touching the names.
You : I love it.
You smiled and kissed him on the lips. Hoon smiled and held you close to him.
Hoon : I love you.

Do you think so?

Made my day.

Thanks for Letting me smile (Let go)

2011-09-11T00:25:00.004+08:00

I don't know how to say this

I don't know how even start

We have been together for so long

Together, we had our own bliss

But I can't ignore my heart

We have been together for so long

You look at me with a smile

Tears in your eyes 'cause you know

You held me hand for a while

Tears in my eyes 'cause I know

You're letting me smile

You told me that it was ok

You're letting me smile

You told me it was something

That only you can give

You're letting me smile

I feel pain for you

Maybe, I'm stupid to let go

But all I said was

"I am so sorry"

Beautiful and wonderful day

Will always be in my heart

I am so grateful to have met you

It seem like this is the only way

I'm sorry that I am breaking your heart

I am so grateful to have loved you

This may be the end of us

I wish I could turn back time

To a happier us

To a place where I never would hurt you

The tears fall from your eyes

It fell from mine too

I don't want to hurt you

We stand together, two statues

Both clueless of what's ahead

The moon shines bright

You're letting me smile

Letting me go

You don't want to fight

not anymore

I turn and walk away

I don't turn back

I am so sorry

I want to say thank you

But not now

Till we meet again

This is a reply to Infinite's Can U Smile. I am just so inspired by their song lately... it just moved me...so sad... I will put the translation of the song here.

I remember that feeling from
Long ago when I looked at you
I remember that time when
I knew you, you knew me
I wanted to be like you
hang out with you
I think about those desperate times
But it's merely a memory
that has passed by

And can you smile? smile...
you want this
you hope for this
I can't seem to have you with only my heart

And can you smile? smile...
I said to leave
I said I'm okay
It seems like I can give you nothing
but this to you in the end

I remember long ago
when i received your heart
you were overflowing me
and i'm thankful
i think of those time

we love each other
we were at our happiest
then came across farwell
you were overflowing me
I'm sorry
I can't hold you back

And can you smile? smile...
you want this
you hope for this
I can't seem to have you with only my heart

And can you smile? smile...
I said to leave
I said I'm okay
It seems like I can give you nothing
but this to you in the end

And still, still in the end, still I..
but probably in the end, I still..
And still, still in the end, still I..
but probably in the end, I still..

[Rap]
But I was suffocating from
those frequent words of yours
You say that my way of talking and
actions make you lose your words
make your anger rise
on this violent night
the stars light up the sky,
the moon shines
you go steadily on your path of stars
the night is coming
it is covered only by other stars
but the moon always stays there
I will always be here for you, want you

And can you smile? smile...
I want you but..
I'll hold you but..
your smile is fading beside me

And can you smile? smile...
I said to leave
I said I'm okay
You might even be happier
if you leave my side

Be Mine (Story)

2011-09-03T12:51:00.007+08:00

Author's note: I was inspired by the song 내꺼하자 (Be mine) so much that the image of this story below came to my mind and I wanted to share with the world.... or internet. The characters are fictional... and anything that seem to be related to the real world is PURELY coincidental.

Jiyu tried to take her breath in but it seem like she was choking. There she was standing in a place where she promised she would never had to be in again. She could hear her heart breaking and there was nothing much she can do about it.

"I can't be that guy anymore." He said; it was just a whisper but it seem so loud and Jiya felt her tears rolling down her cheek.

"Please don't do this. I love you, Joon..I..." Jiya said but her words were breaking because of the tears that she has lost control of.

"I am so sorry, Jiyu." With that, Joon walk out of the room leaving Jiyu with nothing at all. Jiyu felt pain in her chest and her hand went to her chest in an attempt to save it from breaking but as she knew, it was pointless.

Jiyu couldn't hold her cries anymore and cried out loud. Nobody would hear anyways and she was all alone once again. She scream in anger as it was HER fault that she was this position again. She have always put her heart on her sleeves and now she is just reaping the reward. She can't count how many times her heart broke because of love.

Once the tears had cleared and the screams stopped, Jiyu got up from the floor and head out of the room to reality. He heart broken. Her life a mess. And there was nothing much she could except move forward. This time she vowed to keep out of love's way.

THE NEXT DAY

Jiyu was waiting for her best friend, Hoon, outside of school. She wanted to tell him what happened the night before. She's been crying all night before sleep finally save her. She have also ignored the thousand phone calls she had been receiving when she was crying last night. She just didn't want to burden anybody else with her pain. It was her fault anyway...

The bell rang and yet, Jiyu still waited for her best friend who was running and eating breakfast at the same time. The boy never change. When he finally looked up from the food he was munching in his hands, Jiyu waved at him. At first, he smiled then he had an angry face on.

"I called you the whole night yesterday." Hoon said when he was infront of Jiyu. Jiyu felt guilty because beside his angry exterior, Jiyu knew that he was worried and he cared for her.

"I didn't mean to make you worried. I was just-" But Jiyu was cut off.

"Trying to mend things on my own. God, Ji! We have been best friends since forever."

"I just didn't want to-"

"To what? to hear me say I told you so? Why would I say that, Ji!" Hoon exclaimed, getting more frustrated. Jiyu wanted to calm him down and she looked at him in the eyes.

"I just didn't want to worry you, Hoon. I didn't want to trouble you at all." Jiyu said, her tears falling down as she could not control them. Hoon heart broke at the sight of his bestie crying again. He gave her a hug to help with keep herself 'together'. He knew she was falling apart.

"It's ok, Jiyu. Don't cry, ok? Please don't cry, I can't bear to see you cry like this. Let's just get to class, ok?" Hoon said as he wiped away Jiyu's tears and headed towards school. Jiyu felt the burden on her shoulders lifted and somehow, she felt happier. Her spirits lifted a little.

5 HOURS LATER

Hoon was sitting opposite Jiyu while she was explaining the whole situation that happened yesterday. Jiyu didn't cry anymore and it seemed like her heart was mended already. She could see Hoon's face turning more stoic especially when she told him about the part where she broke down. Hoon held her hands to comfort her and she was glad that she had the most amazing best friend in the world.

"Well, he's an ass anyways." Hoon said.

"Hoon, he's not an ass. He was actually doing the right thing if you think about it. He wasn't falling for me and the relationship was just not working." Jiyu said and sighing at the same time.

"He broke your heart and that make him as ass. I am going to kick him out of my soccer team" Hoon said, smiling viciously.

"Hoon! You can't do that. He's the best player you've got. Don't make it personal." Jiyu said panickly.

"Dang.. why not? He should face the consequences! You're not letting him go just like that, are you?" Hoon said, incredulous at his friends patience and lack of wanting to be revengeful.

"The best thing right now is for me to just move on with this life. And maybe not put my heart on the sleeves anymore." Jiyu said sadly and look down at the table. Hoon lifted her head so that he could see her eyes.

"You don't have to do anything, Jiyu. You just have to be you. I will protect you. I... I.." Hoon wanted to finish his sentence but the bell rang and Jiyu hurriedly got up.

"Shoot! I have to get to class. Mr Kim is not going to be happy if I came to class late. Again. I will see you after class?" Jiyu said as she run for her class, waving goodbye. Hoon waved back and finish his sentence when she was out of sight.

"I love you."

2 WEEKS LATER

Jiyu's heart was beating very fast when she made her way towards the aeroplane. Jiyu and Hoon are going away for their very first holiday to Singapore together. They have saved enough for a holiday together.

"Are you happy?" Hoon asked when they reached their seats and smiled at his friend who was unable to calm herself down from all the excitement.

"Are you crazy? We are going to have a blast all the one week we're there. You told me there was Universal Studios, right?" Jiyu said, narrowing her eyes at Hoon.

"Yes, there is! Chill.. I am not going to get your hopes up and then murder it. I am not mean, you know." Hoon said, feigning to be hurt. Jiyu stuck her tongue at him and close her eyes as the plane started to move. Hoon felt his heart stumbling and jumping out of joy. He have made up his mind to make sure Jiyu have the best time of her life.

IN THE HOTEL IN SINGAPORE

Jiyu and Hoon looked at the huge bed, dumbfounded. The hotel room that they have reserved was supposed to have two twin beds but instead the hotel did a mistake and they end up with a room with only one king size bed. The worst part was that there wasn't any couch for Hoon to sleep on.

"Let's just make the best of it." Jiyu said, throwing her stuff on the bed. Hoon looked around the room.

"I will just sleep on the floor. There is enough space for me." Hoon said. Jiyu frowned at her best friend.

"Don't be silly. You'll sleep in the bed with me. You'll be no fun tomorrow when your back hurts. And I want to have FUN." Jiyu said making sure to emphasize the word 'fun'. Hoon laughed and joined Jiyu on the bed, taking off his shoes and socks. Jiyu headed to the toilet to clean up and Hoon rested.

Hoon awoke with a start when he felt something cold caressing his face. His vision was blurred but he knew Jiyu hand that was touching his face. Her cold hands. This activated his worried mode.

"Are you cold? Do you want me turn up the temperature?" Hoon said coarsely as he just awoke from a deep sleep. He could hear Jiyu chuckling.

"No, it's ok. I am ok. I wish you stop worrying about me so much." Jiyu said, turning to face him. Hoon turn his position and face her.

"I can't. Your hands are so cold." Hoon said in a whisper. He doesn't know why he was whispering but it suited the atmosphere.

"It's not just that, Hoon. It's everything. You worry that I don't sleep well or when I have a cold. You worry about everything about me, my friend." Jiyu giggled. Hoon laughed as well and realized that he does that.

"I can't help it. You're very important to me." Hoon said. With a suprise, Jiyu kissed Hoon's cheek. Hoon could feel his heart beating loudly at the contact and he was caught off guard. Hoon could only looked into Jiyu's eyes.

"Thank you for worrying about me." Jiyu said and even though her heart was beating hard, she went to kiss Hoon's forehead because she wanted to let him know that he was just as important to her. But when she was about to go back to her position, Hoon's hands captured both side of her face and he moved in to kiss her.

Hoon did not know what has gotten into him but with all the kisses that she was giving, He became braver and although it was just a platonic kiss from her, he just could not hide his feeling any longer and kissed her the way he have always wanted.

He just didn't expect her to be kissing back.

When she did this, Hoon could feel his heart exploding and he knew that she must have heard it but he just couldn't care. All he thought was how wonderful it felt kissing her. How his life seem to be complete when he was kissing her.

"We should stop." Jiyu said, looking into Hoon's eyes. She didn't want to hurt the friendship and she didn't want to lose Hoon. She was just afraid. Hoon could see this in her eyes and he smiled, his hand caressing her cheek in reassuarance.

"Jiyu, you know who I am, right?" Hoon asked.

"Yes."

"You see me now, right?"

"I do."

"Then you know, I will protect you now." Hoon said. Jiyu just kept silent because she knew that he will do that but she just didn't want to lose him.

"Let's do this together. Take this path with me and you know that with me, you will never hurt again. I love you, ok? so much and it hurts me so much to see you in pain. Is hasn't been easy for you, right? I can't-" Hoon was cut off because Jiyu leaned in to kiss him again. This time she kissed him with all the pain, all the hurt and all the love she had for him.

"Be mine." Hoon said as a statement. Jiyu smiled.

"Ok." With that, she kissed him again and the night became a wonderful fairytale.

THE NEXT DAY

When Jiyu woke up, Hoon was not in the bed instead he was eating his breakfast. What happened yesterday night seem to have gone and just stayed behind with the moonlight. Jiyu cleared her throat and sat up.

"You woke up late.. and I was hungry so I ordered food." Hoon said, still stuffing his food in his mouth. Jiyu just smiled and got off the bed to head to the toilet. Suddenly, Hoon stood up and blocked Jiyu from going to the toilet.

"What are you doing?" Jiyu laughed as she tried to pass him.

"Pay the toilet fees." Hoon said. Jiyu stopped trying to pass him and looked at him questioningly. Hoon cheekily pointed to his cheek and just waited for Jiyu to 'pay the fees'. Jiyu laughed and went to kiss Hoon on the cheek however, Hoon turned his head the kiss ended up on his lips. Jiyu smiled when she realized this and lean in closer to kiss him more. Hoon hugged him and kissed her back just as passionately.

Last night wasn't a dream, after all. Hoon thought to himself and he was happy right there in her arms. So was Jiyu...

END

MY FAV REVIEWER

2011-08-12T15:15:00.004+08:00

I just wanted to blog that my favourite reviewer of all time... replied to me on twitter!!! so cute lah!!!!!

Ok toodles!

After something horrible happened on twitter... the world needs balance and this is something awesome to me!!!! I Love it!

Post KMW part 2

2011-07-20T10:47:00.006+08:00

SO sorry, that I have to make a part one and part 2 of this entry...It's just that the memories are still quite etched to my brain and I would like to tell it like how vividly I see it every time I think about Korean Music Wave.

So the next part of the concert is after TeenTop performed is Miss A! I was anticipating for this one too because it's 3Dignity songs! Ok.. well, one of the song that we practiced and put it on YouTube.

So they sang three song, Breath, Love Alone and Good Girl, Bad Girl. The amazing part is when they just sang to an upbeat song and they immediately fall into a song where vocal chops are needed... When I heard Suzy sing... OMG, that girl CAN sing. I remember Christine turning to me and saying, "Suzy can sing so well!" It was really true... I mean I think most people already know that she can sing but the reason why I was so surprised because....well, I did diss her singing ability before. In breathe, she did not really sound that well and I remembered telling someone that she is just another pretty face. But, right here and right now, I would like to apologise for my comment and take it back. Suzy is a wonderful singer and my ears were delighted when she sang!

So this time round, the boys behind us were also looking forward to the performance...I mean they kept screaming "Suzy! Suzy! SUZY!!!" So as a favour, I wanted Suzy to actually eye contact with them! For this to happen, I started to scream for Suzy as well... but... I wanted Min to looked at me too so for selfish reason, I screamed Min's name the most. Funny thing is, Mis is NOT my bias. Fei is... but I was kinda reserving to call Fei because... it might sound like I was calling her "fat".

Miss A was really awesome and I could feel the four of us really dancing to it and this was a fun performance!

NEXT..

IS U-Kiss!

I have been waiting for their performance because well, I wasn't a big fan of Ukiss but I made an effort this time because of a certain SOMEONE and U-kiss, from what I have been hearing, is really good!

When they first came out, I already saw that "particular" someone and started screaming right away. The whole performance by Ukiss was spectacular and I remember just dancing and screaming to it.

Omg, Eli is seriously a very good looking man. That boy is asian now, isn't he? So what does he look slightly caucasionist? I screamed his name every time he came up front. I had several eye contacts with Eli, Kevin and SOMEONE .

I also remembered that AJ wore a malay wedding dress. hahahaha! Ok, its not a real malay wedding dress but it sure as hell looked alot like one! I remember screaming to Shirin that he was wearing a Malay wedding dress... Maybe he was coming to propose to her. Muahahaha! Anyways, When Ukiss was introduce by the MC, every one went nuts! And it's great because Eli and Kevin can speak english fluently. The MC asked the unoriginal question on what they love about Singapore...

Eli said that the whether here was awesome, it was hot and that he could wear a singlet if he wanted to. This comment set all the girls to a frenzy! So I started screaming take it off.. but it was only followed by a couple of people and we were drown by the scream when the MC said "So are you going to take it off?" Eli only pretended to take it off and smile when the girls started screaming. Why do you tease us Eli? why why why?

Nothing much to say because... I fell in love here during U kiss performance and I want to talk about that someone last..

When Ukiss ended their performance, I could feel my heart racing because the next performance was... 2NE1! I kept thinking about CL CL CL CL!!!! So when the MC came out and said that U kiss had to go back... alot of people .. well.. didn't hear it but started screaming for the next act! The whole stadium were roaring and it was just a different kind of cheer than the rest. It was like everybody was giving the previous sneak peak of screams for the other performance.. although I have to say that my scream for that SOMEONE was not a sneak peak at all. .. The chanting begin and even when MIN introduce them, her voice was drown.

2NE1!

2NE1! OMG! 2NE1 was coming on stage and I remember that our camera was flat.. well the good one at least. I told this to Christine and was about to cry because, I can't take my Idol, CL.. and I needed more than just a memory to remember her and like a good friend, she offered her phone and so, I had her phone in hand and started to record!!!!!!!

The first performance was Fire! and... I remember just screming my head out to the song! It totally hyped me up and there she was! CL! in her yellow holed transparent plastic jacket! Omg, you couldn't believe how many times I screamed her name and sang with the song! I saw a YT vid when this was perform, omg! When the sang "eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh 2NE1" everybody was trying to do the hands up dance move!!! That was just so damn fantastic!

When They sang " I am the best" I started to jump up and down because for the first time, I truly know the fan chant for this one and the performance was wicked! It was bloody brilliant and I sang every word of it. I could see from 2NE1 that they were kinda surprised that we know their song and were really amazed. CL kept saying thank you and said "Thank you for being so awesome. This is our first performance and you guys are so amazing!" After she said this, the next performance was "I don't care" and she said "I want you guys to sing and dance with us!" Of course this spark a fire in me, I would do ANYTHING for CL! When the song started playing, Christine, Shirin, Della and I started dancing to it. AND GUESS WHAT? the camera just went to our part. It wasn't on record on put on live but we dance our heart out and it was somewhat captured... I hope there is a DVD for this so CL can see me!!!!!!

OH! I totally forgot.. 2NE1 sang LONELY too and this was a slow song, I thought absolutely that this was the time to take the opportunity to scream and waved for CL.. But alas, I can't get all my wish come true now... She did eye contact but she didn't wave back so I am not sure if she saw me or was just staring into space. I would like if she saw me... CL I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN!

The whole 2NE1 performance was dope and just fucking brilliant. It was seriously the highlight of my life.

In CL words, "You guys know who is coming up next, right?"

BIGBANG!

When the MC came out... well, they don't really have to say much. This is BIGBANG we are talking about... it seem like the whole stadium was on earthquake with screams mixture of both boys and girls! Its crazy because this was the band THAT EVERYONE WAS WAITING FOR so it can't get any more exciting!

But when BIGBANG came out and perform, it got even more exciting! I remember singing to it, jumping to it... calling TaeYang's name as if my life depended on it. But that boy did not wave back! It was so hard to get his attention, really.

So right before the MC came out, TaeYang was "say yeah!" "Yeah!" "Say yeah!" "Yeah!" "Say yeah! yeah!" "Yeah! yeah!" when the MC came out to have a little conversation with them and said "How is it to perform her for the first time?" Taeyang immediately said "It's the second time. Second time." Seriously, Taeyang was high and so cheeky! Once the Mc asked him what is his favourite Singaporean dish, he said that he hasn't eaten any singaporean dish and maybe the MC would like to introduce to him one of the SG dish, at this point Shirin was pointing to herself and said she was taeyang favourite dish but he didn't see this... BUT GD DID AND HE LAUGHED AND SHOOKED HIS HEAD! GD spoke in Korean and because there was not subtitle... I REALLY COULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

Oh well, I have to say that this year performance, GD was much more hyper and he smiled alot and it was a different performance he performed last year... I bet he had a good night sleep before as I think he's not working on any album anymore.. SEE WHAT A GOOD NIGHT SLEEP CAN DO to one?

Big bang ended the concert and it's amazing because there was a shouting of "Encore" and "BIGBANG" when they supposedly ended..I was so tired and the MCs wasn't helping.. But they did perform the absolute last song and... that was the end..

I remember TaeYang saying "I love you, I love you so much!" Well, TaeYang, we love you too, honey.

So now let's talk about the one person that I have been dying to talk about. Hoon from Ukiss... That guy... well, his voice is just pure pure pure gold. I kept screaming his name and I think he noticed me.. All the during Ukiss performance, I just kept looking at Hoon when he came near my place..

Hoon, have found a way to my heart and ... I think I fell in love. So, Onew has a new competition and Its crazy... I love them both. I am trying to find more about Hoon and realize that he is just as clumsy! But there is seriously not much about Hoon... why~~~!!!! Anyways, Hoon stole my heart and I will be rooting for him forever.

I made a poem for him.

The stage light came up

I have never seen you before

In the darkness, I see the outline of you shadow

The next moment, you gave me a show

I forgot how beautiful your voice is

I forgot how beautiful you were

But, babe, now that I reminded

You're the only one that matters here.

There were times when you look at me

The moment is unforgettable

and maybe its just me being delusional

But in this time, you're the only one that matter

The moment it ended, the world stopped.

I took my moment to look at you.

You're still so beautiful

And I am in love with you, Hoon.

I wish he reads this... and not see how stalkerish this is...I love you, Hoon. You're the best!

LOTS OF LOVE PEOPLE!

Post KMW Part One...

2011-07-16T17:22:00.011+08:00

Today my life is so fullfilled. Met all the talented people in the entire world and rock my ass out although I was dehydrated at the end of the awesome concert.

but, I will replay the scene like it is playing in my head at this very moment.

Thursday, 14 July 2011, 11 pm Dhoby Ghaut Mrt.

The 3dignity met and we were so excited. At this point, all of us were just wearing comfortable clothes except for Della. She was wearing something that she might wear to the concert.

My sister and I, as usual, brought so much and it was embarrassing because we packed to be comfortable as the last time we went to Kpop nite, it was so horrible. So, this year, we were determined to be as comfortable as the place can offer.

So we hop on the train from Dhoby Ghaut circle line and headed to the stadium with our bags and hopes.

Thursday, 14 July 2011, 11.30 pm Singapore Indoor Stadium.

When we reach the destination, there were music pumping out from the Stadium walls...and it was UKiss!!! I started jumping and screaming...and I thought the other maknaes would too but... they were calm, just putting out a smile.

I felt like a small kid but I just couldn't stop...and hold Christine hands and kept screaming and jumping...oh well, Hoon was so close... what do yout expect?

Anyways, when we got there.. we saw that there were some people crowding around a barricade so... like fans, we ran to it... except for Shirin; I guess she just didn't want HOT people to see her beautiful face, and we stood as near as we could...

THEN...

Nothing.

So we waited abit and then nothing happened and the crowd thin, so we went to sit near the barricade and open up the sleeping bag.

Let me tell you this, sleeping bag never felt so comfortable. I think it was the excitement and the fact that we were going to be comfortable enhance the comfortableness of the sleeping mat.

Am I making sense?

Then, after talking and eating (what else?), there was another van and Christine, Della and me rushed to the barricade and started waving at the bus even though we didn't know who will be inside but then I swear I saw Suzy waving (or her shadow...)!!!! I started screaming... and then the bus went in further in and ... nothing as usual. The girls were covered and we couldn't see anything.

So after all the "it was Suzy!" "Did you see that? She waved lah!!", we went back to our mattress and started talking and eating (Fried rice, if any of you were curious) again. While we were minding our business, Della went to the barricades again or went to buy drinks... I am not sure where she went and I am also not sure if Shirin was there even.. All I could remember from this is that I was sitting with Christine.. munching on something and we were chatting and a van pass by and stopped right infront of us and like before, we wave to it without knowing who was inside (seriously, it could just be random people inside) but a few of them wave back (or a few of them shadows). Later on, like maybe a few seconds ticked by, Christine and I stood up ...and the van went off... zoom in a flash.. Della came to us and said "it's Ukiss eh!!" And all I could think about was Hoon was in there... he could HAVE BEEN THE ONE WAVING!

As time went by from 14 July to 15 July, a bus came in to bring The Boss and X5 and this time, I remember not going because...I was not a huge fan.

A few hours passed and the bus was schedule to go out again, this time, Christine, Della, Shirin and I decided to stand near the ERP exit as the bus would need to stop for a few minutes. So we sat there for awhile with our coke in hand.

Suddenly someone said "Excuse me." We turned our head to the sound of the voice only to find that it was coming from the ERP intercom.

Then it continued saying the following.

"Please do not sit there."

As we were abiding citizen, we shifted from the place to somewhere nearer. Just a few steps away. As time went by, the bus for The Boss and X5 finally came out and we rushed and stood at the ERP gantry again...

When the bus was finally right infront of us, we waved! And GUESS WHAT?! KARAM WAVED AT US AND...

I STARTED SCREAMING LIKE AN IDIOT AND HELD CHRISTINE HAND AND JUMPED BECAUSE OF EXCITEMENT. I should know that I probably looked crazy..but I don't. I was just so happy that someone like them could appreciate someone like me. Its an amazing feeling.

Friday, 15 July 2011, 1 am onwards Singapore Indoor Stadium

You guys may think that being there should be exciting.. I mean, I have been describing all the sighting in vans and how great it was... but, honestly, that was just for a few hours... so by 2am, the stadium was empty, there was no official queue because apparently, the organizers didn't want anybody sleeping over the stadium, and we had to put our faith in a line that was start up by random people.

So for the next 9 or 10 hours or so, there was nothing going on, the place where we were seated was so hot because we were seated right under a spotlight, we couldn't sleep because of the condition, I started to smell like shit and it was just not pleasant even with all the pillows and sleeping bags that we brought.

I remember just being in a dazed and really unhappy because I can't sleep and even when I did, it seem like I didn't and I was always waking up perspiring like .... alot. I also remember walking with Christine and since we were tired, conversation was minimal and I didn't like it so I will asked random question and she would just answer it although the question was asked before. We would randomly sit down on stairs and find it comfortable and let sleep do its magic. It was like we were homeless.

By 6am, we came back to our spot where Della and Shirin was seating and were told that a security guard came and said that we have to pack up and leave as we weren't supposed to sleepover and the set up wasn't going to happen until 11 am.

Yeah, as if we were going to believe that.

We actually panic because of this and believed the security guard I thought of looking for updates regarding KMW on facebook, but there was nothing. They said that they were going to update regarding the queueing up formation before KMW but they didn't. So I gave up and panic on the inside because all this waiting would be for nothing if we didn't get the front part. But, with blessing, Christine and Shirin found the map where the entrance should be and we told the other 'friends' we made.

They didn't believe us and doubted. Which in turn just made us doubt ourselves.

But guess what? We were right and the random people line was split to Pen A and Pen B. Pen B people started to shift and because we were carrying so many things, we were not the first but we were the FIRST FEW.

But... this was still unofficial and even though we were trying to be calm, I could see that we were kinda doubting. But somehow, we kinda just let it to fate... I let it to fate grudgingly because if this was going to turn out to nothing, I dragged friends along to this grave and this realization upset me.

While waiting, we played alot of games and this get us very HIGH but then we got easily bored because we were using our energy too much. Or our energy wasn't enough.

By 11 am, the sun started to rise up and I was getting anxious because nothing is being done and I asked Christine to tag along with me to check on the other side to see if maybe they set up a barricade for Pen A people... but, when we reach to the other side, there were no lines at all.

What I meant was that there WASN'T even a line. As in there was nobody at all... I started panicking inside...

The sun was rising as I mentioned before and we brought our umbrellas for this kind of situation and used it. We were like Princess of Candle land because we would melt from the heat. Muahaha...ok lame.

Suddenly, a group of people were walking pass us and looked at us.. then the talk was that those people were the organizers and the next minute I knew they were giving our water because it was hot but like magic, it rain a few minutes later and one of the organizer people came and said, "We are going to move you but please respect your friends and remember your position."

And so, the OFFICIAL line began and we were the first few people. Our chance of getting the front part of the concert was VERY high.

Then we needed to wait for another 7 hours.

While 2 hours passed and we were in the waiting line, there were these girls in Uniform who came at 1pm just cut the cue because their 'friends' were there. I was pissed off. I mean I can understand if it's one person...but it was 4 people. I remember Christine and I just kept on staring (the maknaes were buying food for us) at those girls and their "friends" and yet they avoided our gaze. So we started talking as loudly as we could saying that how idiotic it was, how unfair it and we kept on staring at those bloody uniform girls.

But still, they were as thick face as ever and they didn't even budge. Two of them even change into home clothes. That was seriously fuck up. When the maknaes came back with our food, we quickly complained to them and we could see fire in their eyes blazed and they were furious. But food was there and we ate like there was no tomorrow.

But while we were eating, the maknaes didn't give up and kept looking and I was so PISSED off as well so I kept talking loudly... The "friends" who let these bitches in came to us (I think they were getting very uncomfortable with ALL the stares that THE FOUR OF US were giving) and .... I was about to punch their faces if they said that we shouldn't stare at them.. but alas, they came to explain the situation.

They told us that the bitches were not really their friends and they DID told the bitches to go to the back because it would not be fair for the others who have slept over for more than 12 hours. But THESE BITCHES HAD THE GUTS TO SAY "NOBODY FROM THE BACK WOULD MIND"!!!

HOW FUCKING RETARDED IS THAT? Why wouldn't WE mind? Just so you guys knows, these are girls who are going to a SECONDARY school not some PRIMARY OR KINDERGARTEN, shouldn't they have some sort of BRAIN?

Christine said immediately "WE ABSOLUTELY MIND."

The original plan was to pretend to approach the "friends" and complain about those bitches so they would move to the back. We agreed to it and went on eating first but then these "friends" disappeared somewhere.

So we thought of waiting BUT THEN, there was this girl who ALSO WENT TO FETCH HER FRIENDS AND ALLOWED THEM TO CUT THE DAMN QUEUE.

Ok, lets just hold up here. Who gave you the right to just pull your friends in just because you slept the night before? SERIOUSLY, you don't equal to your 4 other friends. You equal to 1 person. How hard is that to figure out?

Back to the story, this change of event spiked our blood even more and we were really PISSED OFF. The maknaes were saying "Let's just tell them off." "Let's not wait for their 'friends'" We (the Unnies) tried to calm them down by saying that "Let's just wait for the friends. We planned this.." Honestly, I was kinda scared to approach them. I hate conflicts and I don't really fancy to be looked at as a bitch and this was why I wanted to stall the maknaes.

But it seemed like the "Friends" were not coming back anytime soon and I think Della had enough so she stood up followed by Shirin and went and approach the friends. By this time Christine stood up and I followed her immediately and she quickly went to the security guard and just explain the situations. The security guard came to the queue and approach ALL THE BITCHES (BOTH IN UNIFORM AND IN HOME CLOTHES).

By this time, you probably thought I just stood there... but no. This is because the security had no IDEA who cut the queue and yours truly POINTED EVERYONE OF THEM. I could tell people from the back was looking at the chaos that was made by 3DIGNITY. The security guard manage to get the bitches to move to the back. I actually heard someone from the back say "Thank you!". I also the "friend" just hiding away when they saw creating quite a situation. What losers.

So, wasn't that eventful? I should seriously just forward to the concert.

Friday, 15 July 2011, 6:30 pm Singapore Indoor Stadium

We were checked, tickets were collected and our hands were stamped with a logo "south". by this time all of us were readily made up. The maknaes looked like dancers and Christine looked like Emma Watson. And I just looked....... like.... me. Nothing brilliant, really. Was really overshadowed by the other three beauties.

But this is not upsetting. I was just really excited to get in. I keep reminding all of the three beauties just to run to the front part of the stage if there is no one and just keep running even if someone just ask us to walk instead.

AND WHEN WE GOT IN...HOLY, THAT WAS WHAT THEY DID...except for Della.. I really don't know where she went..but Christine, Shirin and I were running like mad because the front part was EMPTY and we just headed to that like bees to the bee hive.

Don't worry, Della manage to be with us too because we turn and saw her and scream different things.

Christine: DELLA RUN!

Shirin: WALAO, WEITING!!!! FASTER!!!

Me: WEITING! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! RUN!!!!!

So... then we waited again inside. However they were showing all of the sponsors and... there were a couple of eye candy showcased and I screamed when KIM HYUN JOONG was shown. That guy is just really super hot and there is no way that I can't scream seeing him anywhere.

When 7:30 came, the MCs came out and the whole stadium went wild!!! All the four us were already screaming like mad girls. or PSYCHOS. The MCs included Min from Miss A and Kevin from U-Kiss. I remembered that I kept screaming for Min to look my way but... well, she only looked later.

The first band to perform was FT Island.

They weren't the rookie but I think because they played real instrument and there will be so much movement, the organizers wanted to get that over with.

The performance was start off by Sarang Sarang Sarang (Love Love Love)! This was a great performance. I kept calling for Jong Hoon because I was trying to get him to look at Christine... because well, she luuuuurrrrvvvvv him lah. But that boy was so hard to get! He looked and then looked away!!!! But when he does give me an eye contact (Which was only one time) I just wanted to run away and hide. That guy was really so handsome and so gorgeous. I felt quite inferior.

Hongki was intense as ever and it so hard for to get eye contacts from him... not that I tried or anything tho... mostly just concentrated to get Jong Hoon to see Christine. I felt it was important for him to see Christine and I don't know why tho. So back to Hongki, he seem to like our side because well, you know his hand movement right.... well, like crazy girls, we mirrored it. IT SERIOUSLY WAS SO MUCH FUN TO ME!!!!

After performing the first song, the MC came out and asked FT Island to introduce themselves. Not that people don't know already. So here, the MC had a few conversation with FT Island. I can't really remember what Hongki was saying but the thing that stood out was that when the MC asked what was their favorite local and I remember saying out loud "again?"... How unoriginal are we and how many times must we asked this? And they ALWAYS seem to answer Chilli Crab.... is that really the ONLY local dish that taste so good? But anyways, Hongki didn't really answer Chilli Crab... but King Crab.. Which is known to be a Japanese cuisine. I didn't realize this or I don't think anybody else for that matter cause mostly we heard "crab"... Jong Hoon realize this and kinda laughed at Hongki who in turn just looked embarrassed.

So FT Island sang 4 songs...which was one more song than last year. Sarang Sarang Sarang, Hello Hello, Bing Bing Bing and I hope. I think our side was really crazy because Jaejin actually came to our side and shake his butt when Hongki went infront to the T-Stage. I wished that we hvae recorded that because right after Jaejin shake his bon bon... Jong Hoon did it as well. I could feel myself screaming like it was the first time I've seen a HOT guy shake his ass. I was so glad too!

Bon bon shaking never fails to make me happy. What can I say? I am a perverse person.

Seunghyun seem to be in a daze, tho. He doesn't seem to be into it like the rest of his hyungs. And Minhwan was just... too far. I remember screaming his name but he was too far off the stage that it was pointless. Why KMW!!!???? Everybody was not playing Live... next time just strap a toy drum set on Minhwan shoulders so he can interact with us too!

It was really sad when the first performance ended... and this was FTI. So I was already very high and wanted more!

The next performing acts are Touch! ... So before this, I was dared to scream "TOUCH, YOU'RE SO HOT." and when the time came, I did what I was supposed to do.

But the thing that shocked me were... that THEY WERE ABSOLUTELY VERY HOT AND GORGEOUS. I was so gobsmack by their hotness that I could not stop screaming! I had alot of eye contact with one of the member of Touch..the hottest one.

I was just looking around google and found out that TOUCH meant The Original Undeniable Charismatic Homme. But back to the story, TOUCH's songs were quite good and its even better when you have 5 men dancing and grooving for your.

I was so crazy for them that I started showing heart shape hands to them. One of them smile and pointed at me and I scream yet again.

Here is a picture of them in case you're just curious:

I am not quite sure which one smiled at me because I was doing the heart shape... but the point is I KNOW the reason why he pointed at me. It wasn't because he find me attractive or anything.. sad knowing this realization... but he was smiling at pointing at me because I was unintentionally doing one part of their dance. They had a dance which included a heart shape hand movement. The dude probably thought I was a fan...hahaha, well, I am now... since they were so hot. Hey, you have to give beautiful people some time... it's just the rule of the world.

So after performing one song, the MC came out again and TOUCH introduce themselves, screams evolved and I just kept on screaming "Touch is so HOT" so many times. I think it kinda got their attention that there was a girl who looked crazy and they waved. Which just made me ... say the line some more. After the conversation they had with MC, they sang and dance again and I was just really having fun mimicking their move as possibly as I can.

After Touch perform it was Dal Shabet and X-5

.. and seriously, I was not pumping up and down for this one. Firstly, Dal Shabet... was just... the replacement for SNSD... same sound, same high voice.. same showing off of legs... it was just.. boring. X-5 on the other hand... I was told that they were tall guys and I would like to add they are tranformers boys. They were dancing like robots and it was, just like Dal Shabet, boring. During both the performance I didn't do much. I even yawn for one of the performance. So not much here.

After this was THE BOSS or DaeGuNaMa or DNA. Not sure which name they go by these days. But in the concert, they were introduce as THE BOSS.

The boss performance was highly anticipated but not for me... I rested for this one also but they are good. I knew some of the parts of the song they were performing, mainly the chorus... so I sang along but I wasn't really a fan and I didn't do much. But at least for their performance, I did not yawn, I was entertained and Hyunmin have got better. He wasn't as nervous as before.. I screamed Karam name and Shirin whispered to me that he was 15...and I told Christine this info... so, I scream "Karam, I want to take care of you!"...

But Shirin said that the she gave us wrong info... Karam is actually 19. Oh well... he does look like 15 if you ever have the chance to see this boy in person. I still can't grasp the fact that he is older than Taemin.

Taemin looked older, right? I am just making a point... I should go back to my concert story.

The next performance was TEEN TOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG TEEN TOP! TEEN TO THE EFFING TOP!

I WAS anticipating for this performance because I have blog about these awesomely talented boys before and it was exciting to see Changjo and Niel for the first time. I also felt my motherly instinct kicking in because I wanted them to know that they have fans here and we love them all! So I started screaming and singing along to their song and even mimick the Clap hand movement, the superman move for supa luv which I saw CAP laughing when we did that move. We must have looked silly... heh!

When the MC had the mini conversation with TEENTOP, at first, L.Joe was speaking in english and I really was not listening...because I kept screaming for Niel, Ricky and Changjo. But what did get my attention was when L.Joe said, "I'm sorry, I don't quite understand." Then Keving translated for him. What I like about this was the fact that L.Joe was not ashamed to ask again because he knew he tried to speak in english. And that's all that matter!

They sang all their single; clap, angel and supa luv, I remember having a few eye contacts with Changjo... It was crazy because I forgot that he probably can be my kid brother. Nevertheless, there was one time that he pointed and waved at me and I seriously went nuts by screaming at the top of my lungs!

All in all, Teen top excited me and their performance was fabulous and it was great to see that many people around me supported them because they do deserve all the love! TEENTOP rocks my socks!!!

I will just have to stop here for now... Tell me what you think, ok?!!!!

MORE COMING UP! MISS A, UKISS, 2NE1 AND BIGBANG.... AND SOMETHING THAT I AM JUST DYING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT... HOON.

GOOD BAMS!

Almost one year and half now.

2011-06-25T19:26:00.003+08:00

So I have been in the KPOP scene for almost 1 1/2 now.

The more I know and all the new bands that I am exposed to, I love it!

But, I am here to talk about... My love.

Onew.

I am still soooo in love with him.

I cannot believe it but he is just so adorable.

If I ever ever ever manage to get my voice out there... I Will write a SONG ABOUT HIM.

and just place the title Onew.

Just make it obvious.

SO, you know... That BOY.

2011-06-24T01:08:00.004+08:00

I am here to talk about that man.

You have no idea what I am talking about, right? Ok. So I had this amazing idea of writting about all the dreams about that one man who always turns out to be the LOVE of my life...but I can NEVER see his face.... It's always blurred out.

Have you guys have that kind of dream before?

I better get to the dreams... I can feel it slipping through my brains.

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DREAM 1

I remember this dream was just a whirlwind. I remember holding on this guy's hand and we were running. At first, it felt like I was in someone else's body because it's like ...I finally woke up... and here I was running around, holding this stranger's hand....but, I could not careless.

At this point, we were still running around (and this man's face was still blurred out) ... We we running and running.... and then I realized....

I was horny. (Muahaha! Just being honest)

So, actually, we were running and giggling because we were finding a toilet to do the deed. How kinky and dirty that was?! But that was what we were doing... (please don't forget that this is a dream, people)

So, finally, after running around stairs and bumping into alot of people (because apparently, we were in a party) we found a toilet that was available.

It was HUGE!! (What I meant was the toilet....not the...you know...) and I just felt it was more like a closet.

Well, he started taking off his shirt and trying to get off mine....but then, I woke up.

Yeah, I know, talk about an anti-climatic ending, right?

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DREAM 2

This dream was really... like a story,,,and it was like a chinese gangsta story, y'all!

So I was the girlfriend of this guy,, who the name I totally cannot remember now...but all I know I belong to him and he controlled me. And in that dream, I was in love with that... it felt like I was being protected and cared for... since I was so desperate for any kind of attention in real life... this controlling man that my subconscious created was kind of like a salvation and I loved it.

Fine. I was his bitch. I know all of you were thinking that...

Anyways, in this dream, I knew I arrived to this downtown block that was vacant (except for gang members and drugs addicts coming to buy drugs)...so, people were pointing to me to this room when I was roaming around... I finally open the door and there he was (his face blurred)... So here's how the dialog went down

Me: Hey...

Him: Where did you go?

Me: I was just-

Him: Did you meet other guys?

Me: No! I was j-

Him: Then where did you go?!

Me: I was just coming here and I am-

Him: I love you so much... why can't you love me just as much?

And this time, he broke down....(but didn't cry)...and he came and hug me...and I was ok with that! Can you believe it? I was literally.....really in love with this due and all i did was actually hug back...and we kissed.

How fucked up is that?

So back to the story, while were romantically hugging..there were gun shots everywhere and he grabbed my hand and we ran...but got seperated and he screamed...."meet me at starbucks!"

so I went searching for starbucks...BUT THERE WAS NONE AROUND. At all!!!! There were alot of Coffeebean shop... but no Starbucks. By this time, I was really just panicking... and I bumped into my family...and I really asked them...where is starbucks? and they said it was around the corner...

So the corner I went... and NOTHING! ..... Then, I went around....and started crying... but right before I woke up... The last scene, was a rider on a biker passing me by...and I know it was him! but that scene. was like telling me...he was letting me go.

YUP. I ain't his bitch anymore.

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DREAM 3

This dream...was the sweetest.

This third blurred face guy that I dream about... was my husband.

He was really the guy I was so content to be with. We were talking about something and he was explaining to me that he had everything firgured out and he wants kids.

And If you know me, I don't really like KIDS. But the way he was pleading with me was just really hypnotising...and I said Yes.

And then we started to have names... I immediately put dibs naming the girls if we have them..

I told him that first daughter name would be Charlotte Nur Isyafina... and he smiled and repeat it...like this:

"so....Charlotte Nur Isyafina LEE?"

Then....yes, you're right.

I freaking woke up....

Could it be, I was dreaming about Onew? .... this dream just really spoilt my whole day at work and I kept saying how I just want a good husband... everyone was so annoyed.

***************************************************************************************
**************************************************************************

So that is all the dream about those blurred faces man who made an impact in my life and made dream that I cannot stop thinking about.... and all the "what if" question just keep popping.

Alas, these dreams keep a smile on my face but ....it still remain a dream. which sucks.

It would have been so much sexier if I was REALLY A GIRLFRIEND TO A CHINESE GANGSTA!

MUSIC VIDEO REVIEWS

2011-05-28T11:19:00.004+08:00

So, You have to click on the link below to see what I am talking about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ld95rZy27hI&feature=youtu.be

So, I just came back from my girl, CHRISTINE's, blog and I have to admit, she does goooooooooood reviews. Anyhoos, first up is my FAVOURITE boy band, SHINee.

They came back or 'debut' for the first time in Japan with their MOST epic song "Noona, you're so pretty" or Replay -君は僕のeverything.

It's the same concept although... argh, I just really... wanna complain that it should not be Yoona. Come on! I get it that SNSD(ork) are getting quite popular in Japan.... (It would have been Kara but ... they... well you know the story) BUT DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO USE SOMEONE FOR SOMEBODY ELSE'S SAKE?

What I am trying to say is, when SNSD(ork) had Gee and Minho was in it, people (like me) are saying "oh god. how pathetic can they be? using Minho's popularity.... damn you bitches." and now, its like hogging somebody's spotlight is like part of a clause in the contract they signed.

AS IF SHINee NEED ANY HELP FROM HER.

I am pretty sure SHINee can be popular on their own., so SM stop with the 'rubbing off popularity' thing already. You should try to trust your groups more. Argh!

Well, what can I say? I don't really fancy song being converted to Japanese... I just am not one of those who can... adapt. I really LOVE the Korean version ... this Japanese conversion just sound really weird and awkward to me... But the MV, well, it's well made. Loving the colours, loving the set, loving the story behind it... loving Onew's acting. Hehe.. I can see his beautiful face now, not that the others don't distract me... they're all good looking now especially Minho.. but my eyes... are just diverted to Onew when they are dancing as a group and this made me realize something too..

ONEW CAN'T LIPSYNC TO SAVE HIS LIFE.

Not that its a bad thing. It's just a really cute adorable thing (don't judge me). And I think I get the story, at the end where Christine's said she doesn't understand why Yoona had to be there.. I think she's like their music teacher or something. Or just somebody to teach something. or Maybe not. Maybe SHE IS HOGGING the spotlight.

So will this be in my Ipod? No, because I just don't fancy it all. Not these conversion....

Ok toodles.

O.M.G this is so boring.

2011-05-08T05:23:00.002+08:00

So here I am. It's about 4:53 in the morning and I still am awake. Its so boring right now that I think if a cat peed, I would have called it entertainment.

So today was an interesting day.

Considering.

Slept with so much nightmare the night before due to anxiousness of buying the ticket to Korean Music Wave. This time around, Proof Label (the organizer), did the most unexpected move by teaming up with SISTIC and selling the ticket online. It was most definitely because (although this might totally be just my opinion) of last year MAJOR crowd that turn up at Somerset 313 and the chaos it all cause by having a physical line up for the MAJOR tickets.

Alas, the ticket was sold online this time... and ... well, technology CANNOT be trusted due to instability.

So the day finally came on the 7th of May, which was yesterday, and my friend and I decided to call each other and BOTH be online to book the ticket just in case the site crash.

and it seem that there could be a chance that the site might crash.

So there I was, in front of my laptop with my earphones from my phone plugged into my ear (I wanted to be hands free) talking how nervous we were.

Then 12pm came...and the site LITERALLY started to slow down due to overwhelming traffic. My computer didn't reach the page first but Christine's did. So she went ahead to book the ticket.

So while booking and proceeding to payment... You know how these days the visa have a 3D verification programme where they send One Time Pin(OTP) only to your phone to authorise the payment? Well, Christine reach that page and I received the OTP and she keyed it in only to be denied payment due to the OTP is wrong. So, I checked my phone again, told her the SAME DAMN OTP again, she keyed it in correctly...AND WE WERE DENIED AGAIN.

Christine tried it again, and ALAS, my card was disabled to make any online transaction.

Well, this time I was already panicking thinking the seats were all taken and that our dream to be standing in the mosh pit as 3Dignity was gone..So, like an idiot, I just make the booking again and was brought to a page for the 3D payment verify thing again. only this time in BOLD RED it said the following:

YOUR CARD HAVE BEEN DISABLED TO DO ANY ONLINE TRANSACTION. PLEASE CONTACT UOB AT 1800 222 2222 FOR ASSISTANCE.

My panic mode escalated, so did Christine because I was, literally, screaming "shit! my card have been disabled!!! my card have been disabled!"

And without thinking, I dialed the bank and accidentally hung up the phone... I think.. by this time, Christine WAS panicking too. I think she might have been running around the house, screaming for her dad to borrow his credit card to pay and swear that we will return it...

but that is just what I imagine because I called the bank, got all of it sorted out and called Christine up while I did the booking. Of course she picked up by the second ring and I was still trying to put in my personal details (a particular thing that I HATE about internet booking) Christine was preparing too with her dad's card at hand.

Well, we actually calm down and concentrate. So since the ALL the money was in MY card, we both decided that I try it one last time. So this time, I did the booking..(the mosh pit was still available) and I tried as calmly as I could to do the booking even though I was shaking...I reach the 3D verification page...key in my OTP....and VUALA! I manage to book us our PREFERRED mosh PIT!

We screamed and laugh and I was jumping up and down because....all of this amazingly happen within 20 minutes.

It felt like forever.

So that is what happen today. Crazy, huh?

So THE 3Dignity are definitely going to the KMW this year! It would be super duper awesome! I mean Big Bang and 2NE1... TEENTOP? MISS A!!! it would be a SUPER awesome day!!!!

But you know what? After all this... our anxiousness and fear of the tickets being sold within minutes... guess what? The mosh pit and other GOOD seats are STILL AVAILABLE. so... if you want to go...GO NOW~!!!!

http://www.sistic.com.sg

nights PEOPLE!

HOW TO WRITE THIS.

2011-04-10T13:53:00.002+08:00

How do I write this without regretting it later? To even pen this thoughts is difficult. I wanted to write in a journal but.... I feel so lonely in my journal.

Its just me, myself and I there.

Its amazing how I am just sitting here trying to write something that truly have been hurting me but thinking of ways to avoid writing insensitively.

Because when it comes to hurting me, people just say what they want to say.

It must be the glorified feeling one can get when I put my head down and just shut my mouth up.

Most of the time, things said to me catch me off guard and all I can do is feel the pain riding up my chest, slowly spreading out.

I wanted to defend myself but it will just appear calculated.

I wanna die. Kill myself.

THEY ARE COMING!

2011-04-02T12:46:00.003+08:00

HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD?

I hope you guys did...BIG BANG AND 2NE1 are FREAKINGLY COMING!

You know what this mean?

It means....SORRY, Jang Geun Suk that is coming in this april...I am really sorry, but priorities are priorities.

Back to topic, I got this awesome news from of course, (WHO ELSE?) Christine Solano, while I was in Isabella dorm room... where it was really absolutely boring because Isabella was taking a bath and there was no tv...

I almost jump out of the window but alas, the window was blinded... you know, with blinders.

This is awesome news for this year, I kinda regretted not going for the Super Show that was held here (though I don't know why, I am not even a big fan of Super Junior)

But this is BIG BANG and 2NE1! I can't wait AT FUCKING ALL! I really wish we get the front PIT AGAIN.

This time no giving up! and I am keeping my leave! so that I can line up and shit... Hopefully, we get awesome PIT standing or the VIP standings.

I hope SNSD are not coming. Or SHINee.

Not that I don't want to see my favourite boys....but if they are overworked...the performance will be just disappointing like the last time and as a Fan, it felt like my whole worlds burnt and crashed down. So....I would rather see them where it doesn't effect so much.

And of course, who needs nine annoying girls (hey! that's an opinion and everyone have a right to, at least, one.) plus, without these nines... we can minus off SONEs.... ok I understand that not ALL of you SONEs are crazy...but most of you are. I met you guys in KPOP night.

Some of you were even wanting to step on people!

So...minus SONEs is alot!

I can't wait to meet all the VIPs and BlackJacks because the last I heard, you guys are AMAZING fans! Hehe, I am not a VIP or a BlackJacks but I LOVE 2NE1 just as much!

Sometimes, I feel like this is not happening, but hopefully it will happen and we can all be HAPPY...

I remember the last time being in the front, you guys, it was amazing because they looked at you or probably you think that they are looking. Either way, the feeling is awesome.

So are you guys prepared? Well, MY FRIENDS AND I ARE! BIG BANG AND 2NE1 here we come!

Send my Prayers.

2011-03-11T22:58:00.002+08:00

As most of you may have already heard, Japan was hit by the Tsunami. It also hit Hawaii. I saw it and I was working when the tsunami hit Japan.

I saw the news and it was called the pacific tsunami.

It makes me think. What the hell I am doing.

I know I said it before...but the world is so big to me now. Many things are happening while I was there in front of my desk, talking to ungrateful people, talking to my colleagues...sitting there. Safe.

While, there were people we were running away... trying to save their lives and their loved ones at the same time.

I saw the news and noted that this was prepared for. It was anticipated and the government have evacuated everyone they can.

The last I saw the news, the death poll was 32.

All this happenings made me wonder what God's message is. Live your life now and give back whenever you live?

It's a question that never get answered because I believe that God know that his children will figure out something from what he's trying to say.

I feel like I am in a literature class.

I pray for those who were there when the disaster happen. I'll pray for you and your family. And I pray for all those who survive to be save...and for those who have loss to find the one they love soon.

And for those who died, I hope you be in a place where peace and loves overflows.

The Girl On The Side

2011-03-02T16:54:00.004+08:00

Do you remember me?
I see the way you look my way
Well, I remember you
Oh yes, I do.

Let's go back in time
A time that once was
Everything passed your lovely eyes
Even me, Even me.

Remember those time
The girl on the side
Who cheered you on
Who gave you her time
And embrace your faults.

She sat there alone
You came by her side
Without thinking twice
You tell her about
Finding the one
With that brilliant smile.

You remember those time
She smiled with her eyes
But what you didn't see
Is the cracked in her smile
The break of her heart
Was hidden well.

The girl on the side
Seemed so happy
To see you find love
She smiled everytime
and said
It's a beautiful world

You came up to me
clearing your doubts
"The girl on the side?"
I looked up and smiled
"That's right."

New Bands

2011-02-20T21:33:00.004+08:00

So the K POP scene is something that is always REFRESHING and EXCITING. Why? Because they never fail to come out with cool bands and AWESOME chreography.

So I have always been a big fan of some of the 'older' group. For example is (none other) SHINee. They've been in the industry for almost 3 years. Debuting in March 2008 although I have only known them for a year and I am already waiting for their comeback (Which I hope is soon).

I realize I tend to catch up on things really fast. Like how I catch up on Twilight just because I found it by chance. I read all the 3 books within a week and became one of those people waiting for the last installment.

OK... So now, I am digressing but I was tying to make a point.

Anyways, since I have become a fan of the 'older' groups such as SHINee, Big Bang, 2NE1, Beast (although not so much now), FTisland and 4Minute. I have tried my very very very very best not to find out about other bands. I just pass by them saying "uhm", "Ok" and "oh".

But my sister and her everlasting criosity will always find out new bands and would always shove it into my face. I try to ignore it. Try to be cool of it. But, alas, I got curious too and look at the MV as well.

Well, tonight, I got curious about Teen Top. They are this 6 members bands that are constantly beng compared to others. I think they have been compared to 2pm once. But, come on, these boys are ORIGINAL.

See this vid for example.

SEE? Do YOU SEE THAT? Nobody else can pull off a superman move with really alienated hairstyle and STILL look calm cool and superbly cute. I like this video and it make them more interesting.

I am also superbly jealous of this boys. I mean, LOOK AT THE EYE MAKE UP. Their eyes became larger and I WANT TO HAVE THOSE EYE MAKEUP!!!

I have to say Niel has really good vocals on this one. He was standing out in "BAKSU" or know as "Crap crap crap crap crap crap MAD MAN" song but in this onem he STANDS OUT.

It's interesting to take interest in these new bands because although you go like "wow, they're really good looking and and amazingly talented", you can't help yourself from thinking "they're YOUNG too. How old is THAT GUY? 14?"

All these new bands have really really really YOUNG talent and it kinda make you feel like a cougar and ,guys, I am only only 23. That's says alot. I am not suppose to feel like a cougar but I do.

So, that's all. NITES.

I hope for all this, I made a point somehow. DID I?

DEAD weight.

2011-02-15T20:54:00.002+08:00

I feel like a dead weight. No, seriously. Like I am dead.

I think this is post valentine's day stress. I just don't know what is bothering me. Something is seriously irritating the life out of me but if you were outside looking in, you would think I was calm.

From the outside, I looked tired, haggered, not even close to average looking and sick but calm.

I feel pressured. Over what? I don't know.

Maybe my bills. (Oh god, aren't they piling at their own accord.)

But I feel like that's not it.

This is something DEEPER. (Sound like an effing green guru.)

I wish I can share this with someone...oh wow, this is yearning. For a BF.

ARGH. Do I have to do this EVERY year? Coming to this blog, blogging about how lonely I am and how having a BF would make everything A-OK!

That's funny.

And I NOT going to do it. Post valentine's day stress or not, I am not going to wallow. I do that on a daily basis and not just a typical date (Queue in VALENTINE'S DAY SCREAMS).

I still feel the dead so I am guessing this is not about wanting to have a boyfriend. Guys, I am sooo tired.

I got really sick last night, the flu just came right at me. I went to the doctor and she... well...the doctor is kinda weird and I was already in a foul mood (what's with the waiting of an hour in a private clinic) that all her jokes to make me feel like I am 10 years old was not that funny. In fact, I just wanted to punch her.

Yikes. I am getting violent.

You know, I am a fan of my own voice. No matter, how many times I get rejected when I auditioned, I still think my voice is good. Not great but good enough and I want to share it. So I go to YouTube.

Even that is not working out. I mean 3 views in 3 days? PATHETIC.

Still, I like listening to my own voice. Am I weird.

I just like to shout out to people who leave comments in my blog to stop sending me stupid things. Seriously, can't you just be nice and not leave a comment with a URL on your name that leads me to a stupid site that sell medication?

Or say mean things on my blog. I seriously don't need constructive criticism right now.

Ok, nites.

NIGA HIGA

2011-02-06T23:36:00.002+08:00

I know alot of you probably know this guy. But if you don't know and you came passing by my blog... Well, he's just tremendously funny.

He talks about random things and everything he says make me laugh.

and...it's also probably because I have a crush on him. But he is cute and I am a sucker for cute, adorable, funny guys.

Like teddy bears.

The weird things is I HATE teddy bears. Maybe because my ex gave to me a Teddy bear gift. I use to punch the shit out of it.

I wonder why I am STILL single. Is it because of my weight? But I have seen that other girls....just as fat as me...having someone to hold. You know what? I am a prize to win. I am. I totally am.

Wow...that sound more desperate than I intended it to be. I gotta to do something.

I think I am gonna quote from Anthony Hopkins

"We, scientist, are always looking for proof. The thing is, what are we going to do when we find it?" - The Rite.

Scary quote, huh? This is why I tend to believe and ignore. The best option there is.

You know, I heard a rumour mill that Onew ideal girl is someone from After School... and I was told that she was nice and sweet. Ahem, I think I am nice and sweet too, Onew. Will you just look my way!!!

Ok that DEFINITELY does not sound nice and sweet. Sound more like a sour grape.

To say that I am in love with Onew is an understatement. Seriously, I try to dream about this guy, think of this guy, wonder what he's doing when I am doing the most boring-est thing. I could actually be smiling if he found he's perfect other half...and jump off a cliff to end my life.

LOL.

This is a random...blog. WTH.

MY late late late BLOG

2011-02-05T23:06:00.003+08:00

So this is way overdue. But I think I should tell you my version of K-POP nite in Singapore on 23 October 2010 (I told you it was overdue). Christine told me she have read Shirin's version and found mine exciting but I have not blog about it yet.

So here it is.

The very very very full version.

It started the day before, Shirin and I went to the expo at about 3pm and we went there fully clothed. Like with make up and everything. So we went straight to hall 2 and found that not many people were there.

I guess not many people are as paranoid as we were but Shirin and I were DETERMINED to get awesome places for our very very FIRST KPOP concert together.

So, in realization that not many people were there, we went to eat lunch and wasted time at the Texas Chicken (the wannabe KFC) and we were imagining all the great things that could happen and wondered what kind of standing pit we would get.

I was a little scared for the standing part. I wasn't hoping for the very front row BUT I was hoping to get at least a place where I can see all these beautiful people. Shirin had the same thoughts too so we talked some more just to relieve stress of the next day ahead.

Ok, let's fast forward to midnight. Since EXPO close at 10, we were shoo-ed to sit outside of expo where people were getting really noisy, restless, and the sones and shawols were just getting irritating. Shouting and screaming....and dancing to their songs. It was MIDNIGHT, mind you.

But, we got to know some really awesome people although right now, I can't really remember their name, they were wonderful human beings. You wanna know why? Well, they were lining and staying overnight FOR THEIR FRIENDS.

It's crazy, I know. Why would someone do that? I certainly wouldn't...unless I could get into the concert too.

So anyways, i think it was about 6 am, the security guards were opening the entrance. At this point of time, everybody was rushing...and all the SONES were SLEEPING. The JOY!!! So everybody rush as usual. Alot of "don't push", "HEY!!!!", "IF YOU GUYS PUSH ONE MORE TIME, THE CONERT WILL BE CANCELLED" was happening but as crazy KPOP fans, we couldn't careless and humanity seem to vanish.

We did get pretty good standing at first until the damn rain happened. Everybody in front started to pull their damn friends in. In other words, CUTTING THE QUEUE. Seriously, where was the basic manners, huh? Yes, we get that you're friends and all but that friend of yours didn't stay overnight and we DID. So please. LEARN SOME MANNERS.

When the rain stopped and considering those people who cut the line, we still had decent seat although most of us were feeling grumpy and unhappy. I mean, all of us was shifted at least 10 people back. Do you know how annoying that is....

OK. Fast forward to concert.

So by 6pm, the doors started to open and people were madly rushing in... SOME START TO EVEN TRY TO CUT THE QUEUE AGAIN! Anyways, we didn't give them the chance because we started to rush too.

Once we got in, we REALLY did get the best stading area. I am not even joking. Right UP FRONT. Where the BARRICADES were situated. We were THAT close to the stage. Actually, we were the closest to the stage.

The first band to perform was FT Island. Honestly, I was not a big fan and I am still not a big fan now, they're cool but I am just not a fan yet. Anyways, knowing this fact you would think that I would not have scream. But I did. THE HELL I DID. So effing loud. Even my sister couldn't believe it. I didn't even knew I was screaming out loud. They started singing and OMG, Seunghyun was really as awesome looking as he was on tv. He LOOKED exactly the same. So, since my sister and I just finished watching maknae rebellion, he was the only one I though I know beside Jonghoon (who is the Christine's biased) who was playing his damn guitar on the other side of the stage, I started screaming his name so that he would have eye contact ME or something BUT he had some issues with his guitar and kept looking at Jonghoon, who kept nodding to him. Shirin was screaming "OI! you! you! hey! hey!" because she told me she forgot his name....or she forgotten. And I was screaming like crazy because I just wanted him to EFFING LOOK AT MY SMUDGE MAKEUP FACE! But, alas, he still didn't. SUDDENLY, Jaejin went upfront (like infront of his mic stand and played the bass for us!) I didn't know how I manage to do it but I just went "JAEJIN!!!!!! OMG!!!! JAEJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!" I think he was sastified because he started playing with a swagger, ya knaw whut I mean?

So the first performance was really awesome although I don't know all the song...but JAEJIN kept me pumping....ah.. I mean jumping for more KPOP!

Next up is Z:EA. OK. This is going to be short. They were not really on the remember note. All I know is that I kept smirking at one of the member because he was showing off his swagger and I just wanted to fool around. Apparently, he didn't buy my smirk and tried his swagger on me again and I smirk again and he did AGAIN. OR it could be just me imagining. But I swear he smiled three times and I just didn't really reply with a scream.

Next up was infinite, I knew abit of their song although I did mixed up Myongsoo and Garam (The boss) up. But anyway, they're ok.... I only sang the part where they sang "Dorawa, Dorawa, da shi dorawa!"

After that it was DNA....another one that I don't really care about.... I can't even remember what I did here.

Then....It was SHINee. My favourite band was coming up! I screamed when the host said "Noona naumu Yapeo?" I don't know....My Onew was going to be on stage and breathe the same air as me. Although the crowd was really loud, I could hear my heart pumping nervously. This guy that I am in love with was going to be there... I could feel the silence and my heart beating. It was a weird feeling.

My sister pass me the cam for me to record... So I hold the cam and stood on standby, ready to scream out loud. SHINee came out singing Ring Ding Dong, everybody screamed. I tried to scream but when I saw Onew, My voice just went into hiding. I was really in love with this man I don't even know (I still am today) and he doesn't even look my way. As all of you know by now, he made a mistake and he seem stress about it.

Remember the camera I was holding? I gave it back to my sis because I was shaking so bad. Like I was nervous.

SHINee sang four songs and at the end of every song, everybody else was screaming and singing along but there I was....I could not scream so I clap enthusiastically for each of the song. I was a bit disappointed, honestly, with the performance as all of them looked tired and so haggard...and Onew...he was so hard on himself....or maybe that was how I saw it....and plus it was minus Jong Hyun and the group became smaller.....

So after that very weird experience with SHINee the next performance was SNSD and I think the guy beside me had an orgasm in his pant after they came out perform their slutty + cutesy = SUCCESSFUL PORN STAR DANCE which wasn't really that delightful to watch although I have to say Hyoyoen (is that how u spell her name?) looked awesome and pretty. Argh....Tiffany and Jessica was at their epitome of being stupid and irritating screaming in their microphone with their american english slang....gurl, puhlees.

The LAST ACT was BIG BANG!!! OK at this point, I regained my energy because I kept quiet through out the whole slut show, I started screaming "Taeyang!!! Taeyang!!! Taeyang!" and this was even before they perform. So once they got on stage my taeyang's went alot more and the volume got louder and louder.

UNTIL

Daesung just came to the front and waved at US! Della, Shirin and Me started to scream like mad and "OMG, DAESUNNNNNNNNNNNG@!==!@#$#%%!!!!!!!!" happened. Daesung cooly shake his amazing hair and LOL! literally. He did laugh out loud...like he found it funny girls react to his wave is such a crazy manner.

But I didn't give up on my taeyangs....so I continued to scream "Taeyang! Taeyang!". But then Daesung came again this time with Seungri and the both of them just concentrated on our row. There were so many eye contact that I was never going to wash my eyes with anything ever. There was even a point where I was so tired from all the jumping the song made us do....but Seungri pointed at me and encouraged me to jump more... I remembered I screamed LIKE HELL!!! SEUGRI POINTED AT ME! ME!!!!!

Still, I did not give up on Taeyang.... even scremed " TAEYANG TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!"... and it was fruitful...because Taeyang pointed to my cam and did a swagger move....and I think I was busy looking at him....drooling....

So that was it! An amazing night. A long blog.....hope you guys like it.

NITES.

Life....you suck!

2010-12-12T21:12:00.002+08:00

Yes. You suck.

You do, like, totally!

Firstly...i just have to say, can't you be nice? Just at least put a non difficult dream in my head and be nice to me?

For example, you could have put like a normal achieving career in my head....like being a teacher, a nurse, a.....an academic career!

Argh, you're soooo annoying! Why do you make me want to be a singer. And put me in a place where talents are.....freakishly ignore to the whole entire world!

And let's not forget you made me poor and you made me the child of Parents who do not believe in the arts. Especially music.

So so so annoying.

Well, guess what? Not going to give up, you mean sickly stupid LIFE!!!!!

I will find other ways! I WILL!

Argh! (Storming out....)

its 5 am and...

2010-12-05T04:55:00.003+08:00

It's 5 am and I decided to write something about life and the journey we all have with it.

I understand that Life can be something that is nasty and mean because I have been in a boat where Life made hope something that no one should ever lean on. It made death so much more welcoming that sometimes I would cry in tremendous pain asking why death have not came to rescue me.

But Life have been great too. The bad are numerous and uneventful but when Life decided to give back...it gives back huge.

For without the pain and trouble Life had put me through...I would not know the difference between people who use me and people who love me. I would not have friends who I treasure so dearly in my heart today if I didn't have friends who used me till no end.

I am sure that I, sometimes, come up a bit irritating. Always so optimistic about the future. Always seeing the glass half full. Even I get irritated with myself because no matter how many time life burnt my hope for sunshine, I still lean on to hope.

I believe that everybody is a star. Yes, one of those in the sky. Strong, bright...a life of it's own. Not stealing from the sun. It's not easy to make everyone see that in themselves. But I wish everyone would...because I believe I am to.

I will admit that Life do destroy me sometimes. Breaks me into a million pieces. My heart shattered. My tears creating a river. Life have tortured me....and is still torturing me. But here I am. Still standing. Still hoping. It's true, you know. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

The thing is, nobody told us how difficult being strong is. But Life made us realize that there is no other way. The only way to be happy is to be strong and to believe because in the middle of us believing and life destroying us...in that split second, we're happy. All those fantasies...all those dreams....in that moment we see the beautiful happenings.

So that is why I still hope and still look forward to the future (although I am not sure what I am looking forward to) because in this moment before Life comes to take it all away, I am truly happy. I might be a singer (audition) I might be great at it. Heck, I might even end up with Onew.

In this very moment.....I am happy.

No way out.

2010-11-23T21:23:00.004+08:00

I can't breathe

It's like I am stuck

I can't see

It's just so dark

The way you're lying to me

The way you're talking to me

They way you're playing...

Playing behind me

I can't live

Without you here

I can't dream

Cause you're bringing me down

They way you're living your life

The way you're ignoring mine

They way you're saying...

I am the one in your life

My friends tell me

You're no good for me

My mother, my father

They want to rescue me

But, baby, I just can't let you go

I don't know what else to do

Coming back home,

To you, drunk on the floor

Mending it back

My broken heart shattered

into a million pieces more

I help you up, and put you to bed...

Cause, I am in love with you...

Hello there to people who read this....LOL

2010-11-20T09:57:00.002+08:00

Do you guys realize that LOL doesn't just stand for 'Laugh out loud' anymore?

It also stand for 'Lots of Love'?

Huh, I know this cause TaeYang (the one that keeps popping out in my dreams) told me so. Why did he say this, you want to know....Well, because in my dream, he's so in love with me. ME. And I, in the dreams of mine lately, am one of those who rejects people for the heck of it.

I don't know why I keep getting dreams of someone who's madly in love with me...and I end up rejecting them...enjoying the power I have over them.

Wow. desperately needing love is driving me crazy...you know, they always start off with dreams.....

Anyways, I am not here to blog anything else except for HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS.

OMG! IT's the best movie of this year. It's not boring and the comedic element was just right...oh and the tension between Ron and Hermione...so so so sweet. Something that I crave for so much!

I have got to say that Emma Watson did a superb job! She does scream occasionally in the previous Harry Potter...but this time, her character was tortured by Belaxtrix, and Emma did good screaming. It made me want to jump out of my seats and save her!

There were some scenes that were missing and it seemed rush, but I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED. It's feels right to have the movie like this.

DAVID YATES have outdone himself to stay closely by the book!

Oh man, I so badly wanna watch it again, but I don't want to watch it alone. Ha! may be I'll be Christine and Shirin out for their Birthday celebration, then.....I say everything is a surprise...then booked the Harry Potter tickets for my own benefit! LOL! (as in Laugh out loud)

Wow, this is the first time in many months that I am not talking about korean pop or SHINee... if you're not counting the intro from this blog.....

P.S....Rupert Grint looked soooo nice to look at. ok. He was HOT. I really dig him!

P.P.S I was seated with a bunch of journalist. I think they were reviewing the movie, I was so glad that one of them said, "I didn't expect this. I thought it was childish. But, it's quite the opposite. I don't think kids should watch this alone. It's good."

Or he said that somewhere along that line because I was really watching his face, trying to figure out if he's Japanese or Korean because....he was really good looking and fair...and cute....

WTH.

LOL(as in Lots of Love)

Shilla.

Today...I feel like .... Telling you something.

2010-11-05T00:40:00.002+08:00

Today was a day that seriously made me think alot. (it happens when I meet with Isabella).... I feel like telling you guys something.

Confessing to you how lonely I feel.

Let's make this a confession.

I confess that I, Roshilla, feel super alone and sometimes I do blame God for it. At other times, I blame myself for it. There was a time I remember being surrounded by people I love and by a man/boy I truly was in love with. Now, time have pass and it seems I am stuck in a place where the roller coaster have not yet stopped. It feels like I am having some mid life crisis that I don't even know is going on.

I am becoming desperate and thoughtless. Becoming more vulnerable and becoming more greedy. I confess that the need to fall in love for me right now have become something of an obsession. I keep thinking, dreaming and fantasizing about being in love.

Maybe because I know how it feels to be in love. To be with someone who loves you is really something to look forward to if you don't have it and something to cherish if you do. The knowledge of this feeling is somewhat a curse to me. Since I know, I look forward to it with pure anticipation only to be disappointed again and again. To be crushed into a million pieces and fixing myself seem to be a routine that I go through without regret. It's crazy. But, I still do it. Maybe I am going to be sent to the mental hospital soon.

Would having a guy make a difference in my life? No. But to have a love would make a difference in my life. I don't think I would be so tortured. or feel like I am being tortured. I would admit that I think having love come back to me make me complete. I will cherish it...because it's like a crystal; so beautiful but so fragile (somebody scream cheese!)

I want it so badly. I want to fall in love. I want someone to love me back. I confess that I have said this so many times that some may say I am just saying this. But, I am so horribly lonely. So horribly desperate. I want t get out of this water trying to drown me.

I confess, with all this rejection, I might be alone forever. It's so crazy and hurtful but somehow it's something I seem to prepare myself for.

But....there's a passion of mine that keep me out of the thought of love. My passion to sing. It's the only salvation I have for the moment. It's the only thing that make me not want to think about my lonliness. In singing, I find joy....in singing, I find love.

I listen to "Quasimodo" by SHINee and it hurts so bad because unlike the character Quasimodo, I don't have anyone that I feel intensely about. I can't even cry for someone. I don't even have somebody to love in that special way. I don't even understand why I cried when I hear the song, maybe because, I once felt that way for someone.

Haiz...I confess today.

"Even if it hurts, even if you make me cry, I love you."

- Onew (Quasimodo)

Hey! SCRAP BOOK!!!!

2010-09-27T22:20:00.012+08:00

Today, I am going to share with you guys something that is very special to me.

This is my scrap book. My new Scrap book!..

well, not really new.... it started when I was in MI.

It has alot of stuff in it.

Stuff like....Guys I am crushing on.

As per below:

I laughed my head off because there is this one sentence I wrote.

I had a crush on a Police Academy Guy in the Mass Rapid Transit (MRT)

Look at how detail I was.

I added me newest latest crush....and it's not the guy that so stupidly ask me the most stupidest question ever....

I added SHINee Onew in it!! I hope it... I hope in five years time....I still be like... "Oh yeah, Hell yeah!!!"

So Why am I posting all this? Well, like I said before, I want to share with you my scrap book. It's something I treasure...and you might want to know something about me...

Hahaha.

Who am I kidding?

I am just here to brag about the things I did today. You see, this scrap book has a lot of my obsession or something that I really love in my life.

My very first entry was about Harry Potter...then....Twilight. I would have loved to take pictures but that is not really important right now.

Since, I fell sick today due to circumstances yesterday which lead to ALOT OF TEARS AND ALOT OF CONFUSION ONLY ON MY END (to that DUDE...Thanks for the heads up for screwing my day), I decided to update my Scrap book with my latest, unshakable and most recent obsession.

SHINee.

This is the 2nd page....I totally forgot to take the First page....So...Well....ISN'T IT SO AWESOME? LIKE FREAKINGLY AWESOME!

Then, turn 'pagey' (that's how the Korean say it) You still can see my dedication for SHINee. If you want to know where I got all the pictures....

Well, 2 words.

POKER CARDS.

So what do you think? I really love it. I wrote:

I Love SHINee

In KOREAN NONETHELESS!!!

The next page is Minho.

Let me explain why I did Minho first. I just watched the athletic meeting the Idols had about 2-3 days ago.

And Minho...he was the most memorable one in SHINee...and the most amazing one, I have to say.

So he was on my mind today and it was automatic that I wrote his name first.

Ok, you caught me.

I had a dream about him.

He kinda like me in my dream.....so....he was on my mind today...

Isn't it super nice? I kept looking at it...and well, Minho is reallllllllly GOOD LOOKING.

Even with the most DORKIEST HAIRCUTS! (Talking about haircuts, Our Taemin had his hair done again!!! He looks like he came back from the past! He had his debut hair again! It's soooooo cute!)

So after I was done with Minho....I had the SHINee rush again, so I collected all (or the ones I can fit in the next 2 pages) I pasted them in the most Scarppy book way.... and here is the result.

As usual, I started to panic.....Why? It was because it was getting late....and I haven't done Onew part yet! I wanted to give Onew a 3 page dedication because he is the love of my life....Or so I think he is.

So I, quickly but with the most love, did his part.

I was really into it too. I didn't care it took more than 2 hours. I just was really happy...and it made me realize that I really love this man.

I seriously do....

And I got mushy.

I know some of you hate mushy....and I know which ones of my friends hate it...but I really can't help but pen a romantic poem for him...even though he might never read it...

But I was satisfied with the result! So here's page 1 & 2 for Onew's part.

After, I was done with Onew.....I was really really really tired. Got a really back ached cause I sat in the same position without shiftiing so much...So I decided to close the book ( or keep looking at my scarppy book artwork) and call it a night.

But I had to blog about this and since I am already on this topic....I wanna share 2 photos of Taemin I bought today at Comic Connection (Don't worry, Christine....it was just $2. LOL).

I just have to say that this boy...or man....is just really GORGEOUS.

REALLY.

HERE HAVE A PEEK.

Isn't he just adorable.....I couldn't help but bought both....I was planning to buy one. But, I couldn't! I just really had to have both!

Well, I do lack self control...so please pardon me.

Ok so that's all...

Good nite and

COMMENT!

(Yep, that's a DEMAND)

Just got to brag.

2010-09-15T22:54:00.004+08:00

The man! This man! This boy! This guy! This male! The specific species...... I love him. He's the only one in my badge collection that have 2 badges. I can't help it. Every time I go to the store to buy all this SHINee stuff, I would buy something Onew related. And I would make sure that I have more Onew stuff... I retarded.

Hai....So nice. Being in a band... These boys are driving me crazy!! How can 5 beautiful and talented people come together? ...... You boys are the reason music is alive for me.

Look at that!!!!!!! I bought that from Comic Connection. Ok...where else? All my five boys are there. Its so nice to start collecting all this.

But It's getting in tooo deep my pocket.

But I can't help it. I just pick and pick and pick until I feel like I can't breathe anymore. Then I go to the counter.

And the man....he's knows I ate the bait! He knows toooooooo well. He will take something that is not on the shelf yet and would show me...

And I would be like..

"Yes. this one. and this one. OOOOOHhhhh...this one. Definitely."

Why am I like this? I have tooo many stuff already. I wonder if one day I can still sell this on Ebay,... When I am over them.

Or when they finally become my friends...

I wish I was normal person who goes "there goes that crazy girl who think she's supporting them by buying all these.....junk."

Ok.. No. I don't want to be that person.

I rather be crazy. But, seriously, I need to get a life...get myself out there. Maybe not now..........

Enjoy the pictures....

Lots of love,

Roshilla Lee

The Lucifer Album (1-5)

2010-09-12T19:28:00.003+08:00

I have been trying to do a video vlog about this...but somehow, nothing seem to come out right.

It would be the lighting, the things I am saying...

Sometimes, it was just EVERYTHING.

So, I am here. Blogging about it instead.

To start off, Let's take the first track off from the album.

Up and Down.

This song has a very "Highway" feeling about it. You know that song that you want to listen to when you're driving the highway? Letting your hair down and just letting the wind into it.

It's the song that you don't want to have on if you're lost though.

It's very upbeat and you can hear our boys very harmonized in this one. (not that they're ever not harmonized)

The music is about a very complicated girl who has mood swings. Honestly, I think it is. Ok. A very pretty complicated girl that have mood swings. And this kind of girl make the day of our boys...

they're singing things like

"You're a roller coaster ride"

"This is why it's so fun."

Hopefully, this is just a song they sing because, I am not that kind of girl. I don't have "mysterious" embracing me when I walked by.

It's more "SO TYPICAL" that is pasted on my forehead.

Anyways, on to the next song. The next song is called Lucifer.

This song, as the boys have many time claim, " is urben electronic". So I can't say anything about the song genre. I really love this song.

As so many million other girls.

I feel like this song is for those crazy, inhumane, really silly fangirls.

I would admit that I am a fan of this boys...but I would NEVER stamp on someone and not CARE that someone got hurt just trying to get these boy attention.

While I was lining up for the damn Q tickets with my sister, we met very very passionate fan who comes of scary...and I think SHINee knows about this.

Lucifer is about, as our lovely Taemin put it "about a men complaining that he felt very tied down because of the woman and he is asking his woman to believe in him."

The best part of the lyrics was Jong Hyun part.

"If this is love, if you love me, don't do this to me."

I felt this line is the most.....outstanding line. Why? because I feel like I could be a really clingy girlfriend. I mean, you have to cut me some slack, don't you think? 5 years with nothing. Not even a small bleep of romance in the air.

Nothing.

So I think if I ever find someone....I would be so clingy that the person can't breath. I would like to apologise for the future (near or far). I don't mean to be so "by your side" but....I can't help it. I love you. I need the attention. So....if you don't want me to so clingy..then ask me to listen to this song...and I would totally get it. But you have to understand that I will be piss for few days.

Sorry.

So the next song on the album is called Electric Heart.

I find this song...super sexy. I mean they're singing about candy and stuff.

When I hear a song about candy or something sweet...I can't help but think it's sexual.

I mean come on...hello? Candy shop? by 50cent?

And "milkshake" by...that girl with an afro hair?

This song is similar but not so sexual I guess. They sang it in a very robotic manner. A robot with alot of melody. This song is about a girl that the boy finds so rude but yet so attractive.

"Your arrogant, conceited attitude
My heart feels like it’ll explode"

This is the song you want to sing to that girl/guy that every one wants and yet you think that you are destined to be together.

Obviously, I like this song...but once again, I am kinda jealous because this song is not at all a description of the type of girl I am.

Do guys really want girls who are conceited? Girls who play around? Girls with such a mysterious aura?

I guess so....Sucks to be me.

The next song is called A-yo.

This is an inspiring song. People who have big dreams and feel down, you guys should listen to this song!

I listen to it when I feel like trash and feel like the world would be better off without me. This song keeps me going and I think alot of people can relate to the song.

It has a RnB groove to this song. It's has a very chilled out beat to it. The melody of the songs make you want to dance even if you can't. So, this is quite a groovy song if you asked me. But you didn't.

I am just telling.

The next song is, by far, the song that showcase Jong Hyun amazing vocal talent.

This song...well...even without knowing the lyrics, you would know that its a sad song. A broken song. A song that has daunting hunted feeling.

The song basically is about a man who love a woman so much to the point of obsession that the woman can't breath? Much like Lucifer...but this time it's from the "lucifer" POV?

I don't know....the direct translation doesn't really make sense. I think I would need to learn Korean properly to understand it.

The lyrics are complicated...things like this are being said:

"Why is my broken leg standing here?"

"your lips that left me shouldn't love, don't love me, I threw you away"

"Have fun noises left me? You seem so far away."

It doesn't make sense right? I know....But I love this song so much because I think that this song is about a man who leaves a woman he loves so much for her own good? Like when Clarke Kent left Loise Lane? Or when Edward Cullen left Bella? or when Harry Potter broke up with Ginny Weasley...

And also, Jong Hyun's voice is the killer!! He's so amazing here....and it seem like he knows the confuse feeling so well, furthermore, he wrote this song. So, alot of fans are wondering who is the girl that Jong hyun left and regret doing it.

I think he just wrote it not because he experience it before. I just feel like he might have watched alot of drama when he had no schedule!!! LOL.

Ok...so that's all for now....No. 1 to 5...

I will continue the rest some other day....!!!

BYE PEEPS.

Trying to shake it off

2010-09-09T00:47:00.002+08:00

Do you guys know the feeling of being addicted?

I know that feeling far too well.

There were:

BSB

BRITNEY SPEARS

ROMANCE NOVELS

ROMANCE MOVIES

HARRY POTTER

TWILIGHT

EDWARD CULLEN

RUPERT GRINT

and now?

K-POP.

I have been through this so many times...and usually, the feeling of being addicted dies off...it's just so different this time.

I am still so hype about it. I still feel so new to it.

It's like there so much more to explore and I want to explore it.

It has become a repition.

Something that I can't seem to shake off....

I just wish I was that normal girl. I wish I wasn't so easily influence....but, I have to ask myself. If I had never known about K-POP...Would I be happy? Would I easily smile just at the sight of those K-POP music videos?

Can I live without knowing such a wonderful soul like Onew exist?

I don't think so.

This is all apart of my life now and my goal is to be an entertainer. I want to be apart of this K-POP entertainment industry.

It's aiming high...But....I want to be apart of it. So I don't care.

BTW, I am finally going to see SHINee soon at the Korean Pop Night concert. I hope Onew doesn't see me. I just don't want him to know that I exist. Right now, I am fine with my one sided love for him. He doesn't have reciprocate.

He deserves it.

Life is not great but it's going well...I don't have anything to worry. It's just work now. I wished I hadn't signed this stupid bond. I feel so tied up.

I hvae been wondering lately....I am 22 this year and yet to have my very first kiss.

I think I am worse off than the 'cat lady'.

When would I get it? Can I not wait anymore? How much more do I have to put myself out there?

I like what Christine said in her blog..

Illusions becomes delusions.

Something that never were reality turn into something that you believe. Delusions. Such a bad description...but soooo gooood.

Do I even make sense tonight?

I am not so sure...

GD nite..

I LOVE ONEW.

To ONEW

2010-09-08T21:19:00.003+08:00

It's seem a bit crazy
For me to love you from here.
All that I have been hearing lately,
"Shilla, you've changed", I hear fear.

I can't help but feel more
The more you sing
The more I adore

So my love may never be known to you
And somehow, I am accepting fate.
Ten million other girls feel the same way too.
And I am hook on the bait.

Sometime I feel like, how can you not know this?
All the things I am doing,
All the things I am buying,
just to be that one person
to be the one supporting your dream.

People tell me,
'You're delisional"
"You're a hopeless case."
"You're just one of those."

It hurts.
But if my love is one of those
That makes you smile.

Then all of this, all of this....

Is worthwhile.

Fantastic.

2010-08-07T01:36:00.003+08:00

So today....

Well,

Today is the day that I will move out from this house.

Yes, after five years here...we're moving.

Not that it's sad or anything, it's just....very very tiring.

wait, make that it's very EXHAUSTING.

I really hated today......just the packing up part. Really, hate it.

I am a very very lazy person and cleaning up the house.....I hate it.

But I did pack anyways....no matter how grudgingly or whiny I was....I still packed.

Not that spoilt I guess....but a brat? Yeas. Most definitely still that. A REAL BRAT.

I am really not proud of that...but it's like a habit.

really really really hard to break.

Right now, I am not feeling anything. I am not happy (yes. Very tired and sleepy) and I am defintely not sad (I'm just not).

Watching my sister dance, I really think she is a GREAT dancer...more of freestyle but she can pick up dance from YOUTUBE. I can never do that...i just pick up well when someone teach me....so envious!

Anyway, I practice singing Please don't go by SHINee and I tried to tune myself...Christine, I hit the note right more this time! Woohoo!

She even told me that I hit the ONEW'S NOTE RIGHT!

Do you know how that made my day?

It made my day into one freaking fairytale! Gosh, just imagine, Onew asked me to sing with him!!! Wah! I think I would fly over the moon!

Not literally, of course.

I am trying to write more songs and stealing people's melody....

Any Ideas on who I should steal a melody from?

I am trying to write song for Onew...a romantic one. But, I can't find any nice sound I can steal from.....

....

Colbie Callait always sound pretty nice....should I?

Fallin' for you is nice...right? and I am not bragging, but I think I can sing her song.....

I don't know....

Oh well, I know when I know I guess!

Ok....good night now ppl! Sleep tight! close your eyes.....

For this one time.

2010-08-01T15:44:00.003+08:00

For this one time,

I am not going to talk about you.

For this one time,

I let myself see the world as it is.

For this one time,

I would live for myself.

The world as I see it now,

Silent. Hush. Peaceful.

Lonely.

But that is alright.

I hear the murmurs of lovers.

I love you.

I need you.

I hate you.

For this one time,

I walk alone looking from the outside.

I see children holding hands with their mothers.

I feel the wind blowing in my direction.

I walked, still looking from the outside.

For this one time,

It feels horrible to ignore your existence.

To not be able to think about you,

is pure torture.

Though, you suffocate me with your love,

This 'one time' without you feels like death.

For this one time,

I understand it now.

This 'One Time' will never happen again.

For this last time...

I walking back to you.

Thinking of you.

For this last time,

I am coming back to you.

I can't help my sorry ass self.

2010-07-27T21:15:00.002+08:00

You guys NEED to press the play button!

My Onew got molested by these bunch of girls...it was so funny.

And I am NOT jealous.

You wanna know why?

Well, because Onew didn't seem to like it...he was pretty much laughing and suprised that he was chosen to dance with them...I think he still think he's not a HOT commodity.. which is obviously not true....He was laughing and kind of embarrased...

which leads to one conclusion....

THESE KINDS OF GIRLS ARE NOT HIS TYPE OF GIRLS.

Thank god.

Anyways, as you can see...when he was pulled by the girls...he dance a bit and wanted to go to the other side to dance with the 'other' girls as well, but he was blocked and later surrounded by the girls with loooong legs.

And one of the girl pinch his cheek and he pulled away because...I don't know...but I think he was abit embarrased...

Kudos to that girl.

I would have done it tooo if I were her.

Onew so hot right now...that girls with freakishly long legs and slim body are chasing after him...

You guys would also probably see that he fell again....hahaha...his sangtae never fail to be by his side...and that is why he is so charming...'

And as usual, My SHINee men saved Onew by joining in the dance...

I love it when Onew is exposed to these kind of thing....he just....flumbles and falls...makes him...more attractive than ever.

NItes.

I am in love with you.

2010-07-27T10:46:00.002+08:00

The morning is another wake up call.

I press the button to my alarm.

I sat up straight, look outside.

I played your song.

It might seem crazy.

For me to love you.

To love you voice, to love your face.

To love you.

But they don't get it.

For me to love you,

It's amazing, it's not a waste

To love you.

My friends tell me I should not let this go far.

Keep it control. Keep it low.

I am not myself if I stop.

You don't know who I am.

But I know who you are.

And that's enough.

That's enough.

It might seem crazy.

For me to love you.

But, I won't stop.

I won't stop.

They will never get it.

They don't have to.

You might not get it too.

But know that...

I am in love with you.

THANKS FOR READING....

THIS GUY IS.....should leave me now.

2010-07-26T23:49:00.002+08:00

Everytime, I try to run away from my obsession of Onew....I just can't. I get information like

"Hey, did you see Onew? He was so adorable when he did this. He did the V at the end...so cute."

So, instead of just ignoring this remark, I go to YouTube to find it....and what I found....it made me smile....and worried.

Check this Video out...

Did you see how adorable he is at the end? This worries me...alot. It makes me like him more.......and that is bad.

I don't want to like him MORE. I have enough.

I want to STOP.

And yet, I just found out he did this...

How....can I not like him? He dropped he mic and he use all his energy to just get the mic back and he fall....his "sangtae"....I just wish he said

"I don't really like fat girls."

That would cause a nation roar....but still....that would make me hate him.....not immediately...but hate him nonetheless.

But I don't think he would ever because....he's just an amazing person. Did you know that when he was asked about his IDEAL girl, he simply answered;

"When I see her, I just have that feeling for her. When I see her, I would like her."

The perfect answer. The perfect MAN answer.

The worst....he's the type that never seem to judge and he's beautiful. When he met with the pakistani worker....coming straight from his musical(no rest at all)...and he greeted the Pakistani workers

"Assalamuailaikum."

WOW.....I was just really happy at that point of time (no need to mention that i jumped out my chair and scream!)

You see....It's not me that don't want to get over him...I just can't do it.

I have come to the conclusion...that he, in fact, deserve all this admiration I am giving....and I am giving up trying to stump my obsession into a box.

It's too hard...because he's perfect and I am in love with him.

Good nites.

Omo!

2010-06-29T00:37:00.001+08:00

My head is chantting SIMON D!

I should have find out about him at the moment Christine talked about him.

He's soooo hot.

His voice is like from his freaking feet and it's awesome!

He can carry a tune tooooo.....SEXY!

Just needed to say this. People...check out Simon D from supreme team

YOU HEAR!!!!!

Back from a world of fabulous..

2010-06-26T01:30:00.002+08:00

OK.

Christine have not update her blog and I am pretty sure she's still is typing.... so, you have to take it from me....

*caution: This may be overload of Du Jun cuteness overflow!

Day 1 (24th June 2010)

This was the most nerve wrecking day of my life. I was trying to get myself warmed up by going to Razia's house.

Was still nervous. Mind you, It was my very first SHOWCASE and then I was going alone. I WILL NEVER EVER GO TO A SHOWCASE alone again. It's really very very very lonely and I felt I was about to die.

When I reached Mediacorp....People was already on a queue line. I ended up at the last step of the staircase. The irony.

There was this girl in front of me and like me, she was alone. So, I strike up a conversation with her....I think it was the other way round...but all the same, we talked.

I would like to cut this side of the story cause there was a SNOB......

ANYWAY, When I was in the studio...I kinda got the best seat....well upstairs but stilllllll I could see everything. And I was the only one wearing white. I am going to go to the extend to say that I was quite a stand out in my row...cause apparently...my row is the DEAD row...so many lifeless fan.

All the better for me.

Wanna know why?

CAUSE DU JUN WAVED AT MY SIDE OF THE ROW FIRST! THEN I TOTALLY WAVED BACK AND ......DU JUN POINTED AT ME AND WAVED AGAIN.

Thanks the heaven that I was still sane.

Cause if I wasn't...I would have jump down from that upper deck thinking I could fly! I was THAT happy!

The showcase was great cause I still waved like crazy and it paid off...cause some of the Beast member started waving at my row....

Thanks to Du Jun. I love him!

When the showcase finish, I was really tired. And I forgot to peee....so much so....That when I was interviewed by CNA, I still forgot that I needed to pee....My mind was sooooooo full of BEAST...and the fact Du Jun waved at me....I know some of you would say that he was probably NOT really waving at me....but whatever, you guys weren't there....I believe what I saw...and nothing is going to change that....

It's a bit sucky that I didn't record this event....but nonetheless, I did record the FANSIGNING event!

DAY 2 ( FanSigning event)

Met Christine at about 3 pm...initially wanted to meet at about 2pm...but I WAS SO tired from yesterday and I have a cold and sore throat that I didn't sleep the whole NIGHT!

Christine was, as usual, LOOKING GOOD! We took the shuttle bus to IMM...cause we're both lazy bums. LOL! I was shouting, "we're going to see beast!!!!" And Christine got embarrassed....but she knows I LOVE HER.

Anywy when we reached....my eyes couldn't believe what the hell was happening...There was 2 QUEUE!!! Christine and I were so confused. Both line said that they were the official line.

Can you imagine our dilemma?

Anyway, since Christine had more exprience with this kind of things...She did the most SMARTEST thing.

Ask the security guard.

So when we confirmed that the line opposite was the REAL OFFICIAL OUT OF THE 2 OFFICIAL, we took our butts and line up and join the queue.

This time, I was super stoke! You could say that I was pretty much the entertainment for people around me. I manage to cheer the girls behind me. I felt so bad for them, they came at about 12 and had a queue....and in the end, found out that the queue number was a scam and ended up lining behind us.

Poor girls.

Nontheless, I was the UNNIE that cheered them up....and I had alot of fun with Christine on my side! We were super cool.....

I felt like we were like sheeps too....moving up and down to accomodate the people in front. And also to avoid people to cut queue.

When we finally was give the green light to go to the Garden thingy at IMM, We RAN LIKE OUR LIFE depended on it.

Guys, I still could run. Not bad for a fat girl....hehehe

Christine and I decided to stay back near chairs so that I can get a good shot of Beast. We, initally thought, we had the ticket and we're already there... OUR ALBUM would definitely get signed, so we weren't worried. I mean, think about it, if we were last....we could get Beast to notice us more and we won't be pressured to go faster or be pushed by the security guard.

So, my main focus was to get a clear shot of Beast. The clearest and bestest quality for FANs who didn't make it today.

I seriously did get good shots.

Du jun.....He eye-contact my camera TWICE.

TWICE PEOPLE!

I got good shots of everyone...I going to put up tomorrow. So you guys would have to wait.

BTW, Christine was really crazy beside me.....Screaming "Gi Kwang!!!!! Gi Kwang!!!!! GI KWANG!!!!"

I tried not to shout but I couldn't help it....I wanted Du Jun! Boy.....I never wanted anyone's attention that much before in my life!

So after getting really AWESOME shots, we decided to get in queue for the fansigning....

It was really slow. But both of us was confident we would get our album signed.

UNTIL

we got to the 3rd row.

The MC started saying that they were running out of time and there were only 15 minutes left. By the looks of it, our cds probably won't get signed.

My heart dropped on the floorr.....and Christine wanted to cry.

That was when....we started pushing in...and perservere and believe in a MIRICLE!

It pays to believe guys....it pays to believe!

BECAUSE WE DID GET OUR CD SIGNED!!!!!!

I REMEMBER JUMPING UP AND DOWN AS WE GOT CLOSER TO BEAST AND CHRISTINE AND I HAD OUR ARM INTERLINK...

The first member who looked at us was YO SEOP! He was soooooo cute and small and just blonde....I remembered when he turned to us....like a true blue noonas who were retarded said

"HELLO!!!!" in the most high pitched voice that Yo Seop was taken aback....but waved and smiled at us...My heart melted.

The next one was DU JUN.

You know I said earlier about perservering will pay off???

Well...so does persistent.

At this point, I really don't know what Christine was doing...all I could focus on was...Du Jun was in front of me!! He was in front of ME! So I started saying "Hello, Aniyonghaseyo, hello, aniyonghaseyo" until he looked up and SMILED!

I swear I saw stars. heheheheheheheheh

I was smiling like an idiot...and he was quite big too...Like bulk and stuff...like BOYFRIEND material.

THEN

we went to Hyung Seong, he was so pretty...I couldn't get anything out.

THEN

Dong Woon....he was blur...but I did say "hwaiting" and he smiled!

THE MOST AMAZING PART....

CHRISTINE TALKED TO GI KWANG. I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE GOT HER COURAGE FROM...BUT SHE JUST DID.

IT MADE MY DAY! CAUSE GI KWANG ACTUALLY ANSWERED HER AND HE LOOKED UP SO HE HAD TO SEE HER...AND SEE ME.....I REMEMBER WAVING AT HIM AND SMILING.....

THen....

nothing.

I didn't even see Jun Hyuong....I didn't bother....cause he was soooo damn aloof.

Today was amazing guys....this is the absolute condense version...

I promise to put the vids tmr..... AND LET U SEE DU JUN EYE CONTACT!

I hope Christine wrote her side of the story while talking to Gi Kwang....I hope she remember what she did....haahahahaha

Love you guys loads.

LOVE DU JUN.

NITES.

It's soooooo hot.

2010-06-23T23:13:00.002+08:00

Ok first off...

it's really really hot in my room.

The fan broke down and this is the first time I am in a room....where...ther...e...is.....n...nooo.....air....

Or air that circulates around and make you feel cool enough.

I just got back reading Christine's blog...and she said someting about supreme team and how cute one guy is....

But I have not checked it out yet....cause, I am lazy to click the button that says play.

Once, again, I would just like to brag that yours truly was mention.

BTW BEAST IS HERE IN SINGAPORE!

RIGHT NOW!

LIVING AND BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS I AM!!!

But, now that I think about it....I think they're probably in their hotel room talking to each other about the Hi 5 event they had...

this is how it prob went down,

Yo Seob: I never thought being blonde was such a turn on! Did you see the number of girls that looked at me?

Ki Gwang: Are you kidding? They were looking at me.

Jun Hyung: Ani. They were looking at me.

Dong Woon: Why are we speaking english?

Hahahahaha! It might have happen like that, huh?

Ok, maybe not.

The fact that they're seriously breathing the same air as me makes me want to breath in this hot heated humid air.

Pathetic.

OMO OMO OMO!!!

2010-06-18T00:15:00.003+08:00

Hello!

I know it's been a long time and I know that....people are dying to read my blog....But here it is!

Ok....to start off....

I HAVE GOTTEN ALL SHINEE CD THERE IS!!!

Isn't that just great? Thanks to my friend.....MEI PONG SHI! Love you till loads!

Now...I don't have to feel guilty about having more Big Bang songs in my Itouch. I love it....Hehehehe...

She told me about the SM shop in MYUNG DONG.....Omg! When she told me, I felt my heart beating to death. The prices she had said...My head just cannot comprehend.

YOU GUYS!!! I have been sooooo ripped of by COMIC CONNECTIONS.

She bought me a sticker that has only Onew in it....from the Ring Ding Dong period and I got almost a similar sticker except that it was all MY MEN from SHINee.

And she got it for 5000 won...which is more or less $5!

I bought it for $29.90.

I realize how stupid I have been....So from now on, It's all about saving for the trip to Korea.

I am not buying anything from Singapore anymore. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

Hmm....how do one say "zero" in Korean? Hmmm....great, I have been studying the language and yet...still as blur.

Anyways, getting back to the story, I was so happy that I totally ignore my teacher........hehehehe...

And I am going to that damn photo booth where you can take picture with SHINee as the back ground!

Shilla!!!!!! Hwaiting!!

I just finish reading Christine's blog and I am so jealous. Her blog are so deep and interesting and it's great that she can express everything in words. She's a great writer...check her blog.

She's Ah-ma-zing!

I am going to sleep now...My sister kinda spoil my happy mood.

Nites people.

To lose it all

2010-06-06T15:34:00.002+08:00

It feels so weird to realize I lost everything in one time.

Starting a fresh. What a lie.

I think this time I might go to real depression.

Reality slapped me yesterday.

I fell.

This is just awesome.

I wished I worked today.

That would have kept me busy.

Hafizah

2010-05-21T00:25:00.002+08:00

Lately....

I realise that I have been neglecting you.

Forgetting about you.

Ignoring you.

But..... I love you, still.

As my sister and my best friend.

If you ask me if I miss you.... I do.

All the talks...all the fights....and all the laughter just between us and no one else....

I don't answer any of your msgs....because I can't....

And I rarely call you because I prefer to see you and talk.

Hafizah, you are my best friend. And I love you.

The way you were, the way you are and the way you're going to be.....

I am still here.

When you need me.

If you need me.

Call me.

MY house phone btw....

62855933..... I am at home at 10.....pm.....

Love you always.

Shilla.

To my modest Chin Gu Ga, Christine Shi

2010-05-20T23:00:00.002+08:00

Aniyoonghaseyo,

Christine shi, guen chan ha yo?

I hope you're doing fine.......

Anyhoo....I have read your 14 May 2010 blog and I know it was just a rant blog....but that particular blog have been on my mind for awhile.....

I know you didn't ask for sympathy and this is not suppose to be a sympathy blog...

After reading that blog, I felt like I should be a friend....and I felt you needed one.

So here I am.

The blog said how you are afraid....but amidst all that...you have GOT to see how BRAVE you are.

Admitting that you're afraid to do so many stuff....hey, isn't that bravery to show that you're flawed just like everyone else?

That's the beauty in you.

And....some of those "afraids" well, I have it too...

So you're not alone....

I am 22....Which makes me your Unnie!!! and I depend on so many people....to love me....and to make me feel like I am wanted.

I cry like a baby too...heck, I still stamp my feet (bad habit)...

So, I think that blog just make you more real to me.

It makes me think that you have a deep soul and you care for people around you....

When you feel bad again...

Just remember that you are real to someone.

Lots of love

shilla.

Today was just a WOW day!

2010-05-09T01:15:00.004+08:00

Meeting up BFFs. Dancing like mad. Talking about guys. Talking about girls. Talking about romance. Watching "Orphan".

Today was THE best day of my life.

It started off at about 12:45 pm today, when I met Isabella at woodlands bus interchange. There was some miscommunication as yours truly didn't top her card....

So there I was waiting in my blazer and thick cotton dress...burning up. You might think that the most sane thing to do was to take off my blazer and not drench it with my sweat. However, something inside me just could not do it.....

I am a victim of fashion.

I really thought if I were to take off my blazer, I would look so plain....and I could stand the idea. LOL!

Anyways, when Isabella arrived we headed to Raz's house!!!!!

And....from then on, the fun began. It was really so much fun than going out somewhere....

The best part, I made my friends watched the last part of Princess hours....and they did watch it... I found out something about Isabella too.... She likes to read out subtitles! Hahaha....I cannot believe it.

Another gr8 part was that, I did my dance debut in front of my friends! RAZIA even dance with me!!!! Raz, next time we should learn the whole dance and perform it! Both of us have great butt movement! HAHAHAHAHA!

I had a brief singing lessons with my friend. I guess singing is part of my passion that I got so paranoid when I didn't hit the notes right....and I begged my friends to stopped. Maybe next time, ya?

So, Christine came a bit later and Isabella had to go cause it was her brother's birthday today.... Isabella didn't get to finish watching the "Orphan".... and the story got so thrilling in the end that Christine started screaming "GRANDMA!!!! NO!!" hahaha....

Well, the story was good but the starting was soooooo slow. But, overall, it's 3 out 5. So, you might want to catch it...

After the movie, Christine, Razia and I ate dinner.... a few minutes in our silent eating, Razia started to ask questions... and it was interesting because it was about "Who do you think is..."

I got to know that I am:

The most adoroble

The most Immature despite I am a noona and they are all my dong seng.

The most......what was that?????.....

I think that's about it. ha!

Christine and I had a chat in korean but all we did was introduce ourselves...cause that was all I know. Christine is very good an speaking korean....since she started 5 years ago....it was really fun to me and I hope we keep talking in korean so I can improve....

As usual, I was the last to go....Razia's house is really THE HANGOUT place to be. It's warm and nice and fuzzy and I can do almost anything I want. But the best part was haning out with friends without the need to spend any kind of money...that's the greatest part!

Of course, I talked about Onew...

How can I not? I am in love with him....truly am. Shoot me if you don't believe me....

Anyways, before I left, Raz asked me a really interesting question...

Raz: You know, what if you met the whole SHINee band and all of them wanted to have a dinner date with you?

Me: I just will go with Onew.

Raz: You wouldn't even consider the rest?

Me: (Confidently) yes!

Raz: Shilla! How could you?

Me: I could. It's Onew!

Raz: Okay, let's say you did meet Onew...

Me: Yeah!!!!!

Raz: hahah...You meet, you know, the whole SHINee band ....and, of course, your mission is to make Onew fall in love with you. Then, suddenly, Minho came to the picture and while you were trying to make Onew fall in love with you, you fell for Minho and Minho fell for you and the CRAZIEST THING is , Onew really falls in love with you!!! What are you going to do?

Me: HUH!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!

Raz: Stop avoiding the question...What would you do?

Me: ....I....I .....would....you mean, I am not in love with ONEW? How is that possible, Raz?

Raz: Hypothetically. WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Me: ..... I don't know.... but I think I would tell Minho the truth... the truth that I was planning to fall in love with Onew and not him. I don't really know what I will do about Onew though...I don't want to hurt him....

Raz: hahah....(SIGH)

Me: (SIGH-ed big time!)

It was such an interesting thing to actually think about. What if that really happened. Ok...not specifically in that SHINee term...but normally...though I would rather the SHINee term....I really would not know what to do.

It remind of that movie "While You Were Sleeping"....hmm.... but if this really happen....I would scream DRAMA DRAMA!!!

Whoa...this is such a long blog...and I have to make it longer.

In Christine blog, there is this question....I am going to put it here and answer it with a person in mind.........

1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?
uh....I am not sure. Onew is awesome looking...so I guess, YES?

2. Smart?
Nope. I don't need that. Its interesting, but if he doesn't have to BE SMART...but wait. Onew is smart, so I guess, YES?

3. Preferred age?
A year younger than me.

4. Preferred height?
Onew is taller than me....so, I guess, YES?

5. How about sense of humor?
Has to be extremely funny....like Onew! He makes my stomach hurt with his dorkiness and cuteness and funny-ness.

6. How about piercings?
As long as he takes it off when he meets my dad.

7. Accepts you for who you are?
Yes.

8. Pink hair?
Anything would look good on Onew...So...YES!!!

9. Mushy or no?
YES. i am sucker for mushiness.

10. Thin or fat?
ONEW size.

11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
ONEW's skin tone.

12. Long hair or short hair?
Onew looks better with a short hair...Short hair then..

13. Plastic or metal?
Both are not enviromental friendly.

14. Smells good?
Onew probably smells delicious, na? So yes.

15. Smoker?
NOPE! NEVER!

16. Drinker?
Whatever Onew's alcohol limit is...

17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
ONEW-NEXT-DOOR type.

18. Muscular?
Hmm...yeah? Onew's buffing up recently!!! EP 11 hello baby proved that!

19. Plays piano?
Yes....Onew played Piano.

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
Uh....does Onew play this? If yes, then yes. If not...then no.

21. Plays violin?
No...it just remind me of that really irritating guy in BOF.

22. Sings well?
Onew is the best singer in the world...so yes.

23. Vain?
As long as it is with the Onew vain meter.

24. With glasses?
Onew really look cute in them!!! so YES YES YES!

25. With braces?
My korean teacher looks hot in them....So, I guess no?

26. Shy type?
YES! Onew's awkward around girls...and that's a very endearing character...

27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
Onew's a good guy....I love that. So...it's good boy.

28. Active or passive?
Um....i dunno.

29. Tight or bomb?
Yes, Onew wears tight jeans...and he looks good....So it's tight, i think?

30. Singer or dancer?
Onew's both!!!!!!

31. Stunner?
Hmm....Onew is stunning! But that will make me jealous....So....no?

32. classical?
I hate classical.

33. Earrings?
Anything....if Onew wants earring then he can have them....He looks good anyways.

34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
Hmm.....Well as long as I am the LAST and ONLY ONE.

35. Dimples?
no...cause Onew doesn't have one.

36. Bookworm?
HAHAHA! Since onew's smart...I think he reads....so i would say yes!

37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
Yes....it will be so romantice if Onew send me one! I hope it's a lyrics to a new song.

38. Playful?
Yes...Onew is VERY playful!

39. Flirt?
All the freaking time. Gotta keep the relationship seem new!!! I mean Onew's is surrunded by pretty girls all the time!

40. Poem writer?
Onew's one...so yes!

41. Serious?
No....ok....when he needs to be...I think Onew can do that.

42. Campus crush?
what is this?

43. Painter?
not really. Onew's a singer.

44. Religious?
no...cause I am not one.

45. Someone who likes to tease people?
Yes....hopefully he teases me....

46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
Internet freak...but I don't think Onew is any of those.

47. Speaks 20 languages?
Onew can only speak, korean, chinese and english. That's 3. So I don't think I need him to say more. All he has to say is 너를 사랑해요....

48. Loyal or faithful?
I hope Onew is faithful...at least that would make him sound like a lover.

49. good kisser?
Onew's has nice lips....so I think he is a good kisser...SO YES!

50. loves children??
doesn't matter.

Thats's all!!!!!!!

Love ya peeps!

Promises can be broken.

2010-05-05T21:59:00.003+08:00

I know I promised that I would put up a list why I LOVE SHINee!!!!

But....slowly, I am starting to realize that the list needs to be amended.....

Now....it's THE LIST OF WHY I LOVE ONEW!

1) Even when people say ( and ALOT of the do ) that Onew looks pretty much ok in the industry, when I look at him.....I see STARS... and he's dazzling.

2) Onew, to me, is the best CREATION by God.

3) I smile like a 바보 when I see Onew anywhere.

4) I get excited.... When I see onew poster!

5) I bought Onew's Poster....and paste it beside me....so that it will be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.

6) I laugh like a girl.

7) I giggle like a girl.

8) I just.........love him.

9) I am IN LOVE WITH HIM.

10) I want to marry him....and I dream about him...

HELP.

I just can't help it.

2010-04-26T21:14:00.002+08:00

There.

Take a look at it.

Doesn't your heart beat faster and your mouth curl into a smile?

Mine did.

I feel such bittersweet emotion.

Bitter because....the need to be with him is left unfullfilled.

Sweet because....he just makes me smile.

I really am in love with him.

Writting this down just make me smile like an idiotic fool and makes me blush. Onew/ Jinki is just really the most attractive man in the world. Look at how he just hug that man to protect his dongseng....

And when he was being dragged, I almost peed my pants....He's so cute.

You know, the more I try to stop myself from being a fangirl. The more of a fangirl I become.

But I just can't help it.

And I won't help it.

Just let me dream...and drool for now.

Until, at least, when Mr. Right* find me......

*Onew of course! Or anything close to him......

bo.bo.bo......

2010-04-25T20:14:00.002+08:00

Dear blog,

I would like to apologise to you as I have not been updating my blog and have been having a life.

Well, not really a life that is socially equipped but a LIFE nontheless.

Alright, you got me...My "LIFE" right now only involve of korean stuff.

I am actually quite piss off.

I need them.

SHINee.

I really do!

I have been searching up and down....on YouTube and all the videos.....I am getting nothing new!!! I need something new and I am dying for it...literally going out of my sanity.

Anyways, I am here to talk about my friends.

It amazes me how my friends....have other friends that I don't know. It shouldn't amaze me but I am amaze....Cause for me, They are all I've got and they know each other....

That's it. That was all I want to talk about my friends...Haha....actually, I have nothing to talk about today.

Except for my undying love for Onew/Lee Jinki. I really do want to marry him and I guess I am becoming like a freaky fan girl.

Right now, I am in cloud infinity just with the fantasy of being with him.

Can you imagine what would happen to me if Onew does end up with me?
I would probably faint. Or die. Out of Happiness.

But the most probable scenario would be me falling off that cloud infinity and crashing down to reality.

I can see it coming soon....

Just thinking about it is so demoralizing and.....it hurts.

The thing is, I remember chatting with Christine the reason why I find that being in love with Onew made me cling on hope so bad is because well, Onew's asian and he's quite near and the fantasy of being with him would be more realistic...but, now...well....now, I can see the distance. I can see so many things that are probably going to make me regret ever liking Onew this much because it's never going to happen.

And I realize that when I like someone, I tend to destroy the whole thing by being truthful or honest.

But, even after seeing this and knowing the truth, I still cling on to hope. So dearly.

Somebody should just shoot me.

I am so obsessed!

2010-04-04T20:56:00.002+08:00

I am so obsessed with SHINee that I :

1) listen to their songs only everywhere I go.
2) hunt down the meaning of their lyrics and memorize them.
3) go to YouTube purely just to watch videos that have them in it.
4) forget that there are no other mam out there for me except them.
5) ignore all impossibilities of me meeting th as a someone on their level.
6) hang on to hope like it's a life saver.
7) could look for a bf right now but I won't and I don't want to.
8) could have a bf right now but I don't because I am too caught up with delusions that I would end up with Lee Jinki/ Onew.
9) I have to type out SHINee instead of shinee cause that's the way the band name is spelt.
10) sign up for korean lesson because I want to know that I would be able to communicate with them even though the chances of me meeting them is ZERO.

The list is quite long but I will hive it ten by ten... When I have the time I will update another ten!!!

Who I am

2010-03-30T22:02:00.002+08:00

I just read all my entries in this blog and I have realize in the past few days that I am quite a passionate person.
For instance, right now I am so obsessed with SHINee that I am going on a diet and actually trying to learn korean and only coming to YouTube to just watch their videos....Look at my DEDICATION AND PASSION...it's crazy! And before that it was Twilight and hence the twilight skin for this blog....

And before all this mayhem.... It was HARRY POTTER....

I realize that when I get obsess with things, I start to make this obssesion my life. So, well, all you guys out them better hope that I wouldn't be obsess with you....cause I really think I would stalk you down.

Just like what I am doing with ONEW/LEE JINKI..

Everything little thing that Onew/Lee Jinki does is so funny even when it's not that funny...I don't know, he just cracks me up and put a smile on my face..and make my heartbeat run a little faster than normal.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL.

I have such high hope for myself and finding out who I really am...well, it makes me happy. All I know now is that I am the person who I wanted to be...Right now, life is fun and awesome!

I am just a girl.
I am also the superhero.
I am me.
And that is why I am still here.

I breath life in now...I don't push it away..sure it gets lonely sometimes but now...work is good and I am really doing well...I am not bragging as I have never done so well in life as I have now....I am actully feeling bright and yellow and it's sunshine everyday. I love that I am obsess with Korean stuff because it keeps me occupied and for the first time, I feel like I am not taking life for granted.

Last time, I used to think to have an adventure you have to bleed and bruise, I mean come on! Movies like Indaina Jones or the Transformer...all have an amazing adventure....but now I realize, I am going through an adventure too....and I am not bleeding or bruising.....Life is freaking roller coaster and being obsessed with all this SHINee and Korean stuff just made the wheels move faster!!!

A devoted person.

2010-03-26T21:29:00.003+08:00

I have been working my ass off at work and neglecting this blog. I am sorry....but, its not like people read it.

Anyways, I just want to confess.

Forgive me, because well, this is another obessesion.

I am obsess with Korean stuff.....It's been a month and it has not died down. There is sooooo much to know about this miracle that I just found.

I think I have blogged this before because I am feeling a sense of DEJAVU...but,seriously, who cares. All i know is that I am the only one that loves Onew like nobody does. I appreciate everything that is about him. His looks, his clumsiness and most of all, HIM. Lee Jinki or Onew is the best creation god has ever created on this face of the planet. I am grateful that Onew exist in this world so that I can spent my time just driking in everything about him.

Sounds like a pray, don't it?

But, guys, I really am obsessed with this korean stuff that I am jumping up and down out of excitement when I start my Korean classes!!!! I can't wait to say my name is Shilla in korean and I cannot wait to master the language and go to korea and marry a korean man!!!!!

WHOA! HOLD YOUR HORSES, SHILLA!

I love this obsession, I may turn out to be a stalker and get arrested and get a restraining order but....I love this obsessive feelings....

And being In love with ONEW/LEE JINKI is just super awesome.

Sure, some might laugh at me and scoff at me for dreaming too much. For being delusional....but if u have any idea how happy I am right now because of Lee Jinki/ Onew existence....you guys wouldn't scoff so much.

I am such a dreamer. I dream too much and get my heads in the clouds...but who cares? I mean where else can you find such elation unless it's fantastical? Reality pretty much is okay right now....but hearing SHINee say that I am pretty everyday from my Ipod makes me feel like a girl and yes, feel very pretty. So you haters, suck on that!

Anyway, I can't wait to meet Isabella and Christine this friday...I am going to bring my laptop and seek Christine advice before I buy the CDs of SHINee online. Have to be precise and careful...

Ok, back to looking at Onew.....

YES!!!! CLICK PLAY.

2010-03-14T22:20:00.001+08:00

I love CHRISTINE's blog

2010-03-13T00:49:00.003+08:00

Recently, if you guys didn't know, I am really into this korean band called SHINee and I really absolutely adore them. Their music is a bit of RNB and Pop...It's really nice and I recommend people to watch it, love it and support these boys.

I am not exegerating when I say that these boys are THE princes we, girls, have been dreaming of and drooling over. Just google them in the engine search.

Oh, if you cannot believe that I am eating my words yet again, you can blame Christine....and her blog. I don't know how many time I said this, But it's the freaking the encyclopedia of all the KOREAN bands....

And her latest blog was partially dedicated to me. And every bit of info I took in...really really made me think I should have been there for MY ONEW....

He fainted, guys!!!! and somebody carried him and he was really weak and....he almost look dead.

God, please have mercy...don't take his soul yet. I haven't even met him and we're meant to be together.

WHOA, I SOUND LIKE A FREAKING STALKER AND A PSYCHO.

I don't want to sound like another Fangirl but I really can't help it! Why why? Why am I like this?

The thing about Christine blog that I love, Shes not delusional....She's factual....and she love SHINee like a bigger sister and I am freaking older than her and I am blushing and laughing like a stupid girl with no IQ.

Haiz....it's been about 2 weeks in since I ate rice and I really miss it.

DON'T WORRY GUYS....I am eating a bit of carbs from mashed potato....and sometimes I "mashed" the potato myself. LOL. and it's really kinda of shitty.

I love you, Onew. I do. Find me, ok?

Saranghe,

SHILaa.

Depressed....ain't that nothing new?

2010-01-24T19:23:00.002+08:00

I am depressed right so please do keep in mind that after you read this, the feeling of darkness might overwhelm you.

I really feel I should start seeing a professional.

In all my life, I always known that my smile has been fake,

I am a fake.

I am not real.

I laugh and say "I am happy for you" when in fact I want to break down and say "why are you leaving me?". This is true. I feel like I am all alone here. Typing and wanting to cry.

Cry. I know if I do that, I would feel so much better,

But I don't want to cry.

Honest to god. I don't want to cry.

And it's not because I don't want to be weak.

Shamefully, I like feeling this miserable and depressed.

I enjoy it.

And it scares me that I feel this way about being miserable.

I hate myself.

I almost about 100 kg.

I need to lose weight but the more I think about it, the more things get through my pie hole.

What happened to me? I need to know when I lost myself and how I ever came to the point where nothing, absolutely nothing, matters to me anymore.

In fact, everyday, lately, I have been thinking about death. I really want to die.

Oh no...tears are welling up right now.

I think it's because I have been so detached from God for so long.
This is punishment.
This is what I deserve.

I do want to die. I cannot stand it being the unhappy one among people who are so happy. It's even horrible to know that these people who i envy with so much hatred...is my loved ones.

I am a stinking selfish bitch.

I should be hang.

I think about death almost with happiness now. I know if I die, I'll get punished and burn in hell. That's scares me.

BUT NOT SO MUCH AT THE REALIZATION OF BEING ALONE FOREVER SCARES ME.

I open my arms to death. Tell him to take me away. Bring me closer to god and let him deal with me. Burn me in hell. I just don't want to feel like this. To know that I AM GOING TO END UP ALONE.

How contradicting is my blog today? First, I said that I love feeling miserable and now I don't?
See how my mind is on the stupid meter?

Alone.

Guess, I am not those independent ladies who can stand on their own 2 feet and be happy with whatever forms of love they have.

I can't.

I want someone.

I want a man to love me. I do. I want him to say that he lives for me. He loves me.

I want that.

I can't be alone. I can't be alone.
Please don't make me one of those people who are alone.
Please.

I cannot stand the thought. I die from just thinking of it....I think i will die is I end up alone.

Heartbreak again.

Please don't make me the person with nobody to love her.
Please.

Just send me someone. Anyone will do. Please.

Please.

Just please don't make me feel so lonely all the time.

Please. I can't be alone.
I can't keep seeing movies or people who are happy with someone and thinking I will never have that.

Please....
It's been 21 years of lonliness.
Please.

Please, just love me.

It's a cycle

2010-01-22T00:25:00.002+08:00

I don't know about you guys.... But no matter what, my life alwyas turn to be a pattern over and over again.....
Now all I do is work and basically trying to find out where the cute guys are....
Pathetic, I know.
But that is a pattern I can't seem to get off....
I wish I could change my lfe.
Change me.
But why would I do that?

I need to pee...

2010-01-06T02:00:00.002+08:00

Ok...
So this Blog has been dead for almost about a month.
And, well, that is really how my life is.

As you guys may have notice if you ever do come to this blog which I seriously doubt, I have found a job and It's KILLING me. I am not even kidding on this.

I thought i have gain my independence with this job but apparently....well....apparently not.

This job is like school.

Except in this concern, The pros are that I am getting paid for actually studying something.

But the cons...
Is being threatened everyday.
Being known of my inability to actually produce work faster and being more effecient.
And the manager looking at me straight in the eye that she feels the newcomer that is coming would be better than me and that's with lesser training.

So the cons totally outweigh the Pros.

And thats why I made a resolution today that if I am not being confirmed. Well, screw them.
All I know is I am already trying my hardest. So they can just fuck off for all I care.

Anyway, I can't wait till March!!!!
Paramore is coming. Are you guys prepared? Cause I sure as hell cannot wait to see them in real life and hear the melodic sound of Hayley;s voice.

Anyway, I got to go and pee.

Write more when I am fired.

2009-12-09T19:42:00.000+08:00

Let me give you a little update in this new itouch, boo!!!

Went for shangri-la interview a while back and it was an interesting interview. When I walked out of the interviewing room, I could not help but felt that I did a good job in convincing the interviewee that I was a good candidate for the job. I felt totally elated and quite certain that I had the job in my pocket.
3 days pass and still I got no call so I decided that I would give them a call to check about my status and to, secretly, release my curiosity!!! Then, this is where the unexpected comes in.
When I called, the person told me that the decision was not made yet and I should wait until next week. I Hung up the phone feelig a bit dejected.
A week passed and finally someone from shangri-la called but I didn't pick up the phone because at that point of time I was working and I could not pick up the phone. So when I saw the missed call, I kinda knew that it was from Shangri-la so I got a teeny weeny excited!!! However, once I got a hold if the person who was calling me just now, it wasn't that great of a news.
His name is Dennis and he is one mother fu**er. He actually told me that I was offered another job called housekeeping clerk.
Now, all I can think about was the word housekeeping. I ain't going to clean up people's shit. No way in hell am I going to do that. Boo, I don't even clean my own shit.
So I said to this mother Fu**er that I ain't doing that shit. But he said that the job is almost similar to the one I applied so I said why not. So I said I could do that almost same thing and head down to Shangri-la only to find that mother fu**er set me up for another interview and not sign those damn paper of appointment!!!
I was pissed and disappointed that I wanted to punch his face. And do you know how long that interview took? A whole damn 5 minutes!!! It was a waste of time and money!!!!

So. Boo, you must now be so confused. Don't you worry, I go the job I applied for in the end. 2 weeks after I interviewed, the interviewee called me and said that she tried to call me right after our interview but she couldn't reach me. She told me about how much the job actually sucks and she said to get ready for pressure. After she told me all that she asked me to come down to sign the letter of appointment.

When I hung up the phone, I really could not believe my luck. This was my first time getting a job that I interviewed for without going to a million others.

So there!!! The update!!!

Lots of love,
Shilla

Heartbroken.

2009-12-06T02:30:00.003+08:00

I know what it's like

To be heartbroken.

I know what it's like

To sit alone.

Holding your chest.

Hoping your heart stays in.

I know what it's like

To be not able to breath

And yet, you don't understand

Why you are still breathing.

I know what it's like

To see nothing at all

But that of darkness.

I know what it's like

To feel like there is no more tears

and how your cheeks stays wet.

I know what it's like

To feel that life has ended

and feeling confuse when the clock is still ticking.

I know.

I know you, Heartbreak.

I know.

I know you have come for me.

I know.

At that very moment when my world crashed.

I know.

I know, you will destroy me.

I know.

And yet, I'm letting you stay.

The thing I hate....

2009-11-17T13:26:00.002+08:00

You know when you're close to someone, you just want to hurt them less? This is because you don't want to be the one who feels as if the world is crashing down; you know that is how you feel after that one argument you had with that special someone.

The thing is you plan everything with this someone and you share joy and pain together. You're happy for as long as the planning stays in place and life is good. Then, one day, this person wants to change the plan or exterminate the plan altogether. She is saying the words but all you can hear is the tearing of your heart. She beg for your understanding and because you don't want to hurt her, I mean let's face it you know deep down the plan is not going to work, you just nod your head. Sure. But, you know that it's not sincere. Even she could tell it.

Then your world spiral to a crash.

This is the thing I hate.

The NEW MOON poster is up!

2009-11-09T00:17:00.003+08:00

OK!!! The new moon posters are up in the DHOBY GHAUT transition pillars!!! I went crazy taking picture and ended up arriving late to work...

But, it was sooo worth it!!!

Check out the photos!

Haha.... was being a bit cheeky....Just wanted to be with Edward ALONE. Sorry, Bella.

Shirin is part of the WOLF PACK! Don't piss her off now, Shilla.

Not a big JACOB fan....didn't need to be so pretty.

Love this poster the MOST! Just take a look at EDWARD'S hand on BELLA'S back! INTENSE!

There you go...NOW DROOL!

For the record....I was not the one who spotted it....Shirin was. God, felt so guilty and useless when I realise this. But anyway, taking the photos were alot of fun! People were laughing at me but I really couldn't careless. I mean it's NEW MOON!!!

And I hope eclipse get out soon!!! I am going crazy...

Not that I wasn't already before!

YOU inspire me, CHRISTINE.

2009-10-28T19:48:00.002+08:00

OK....

Hey y'all!

So, The title says it all.

I just came back from Christine blog...which I have to mention is full with information about Korea! And bands from Korea!

It's like an encyclopedia of Korean Bands.

I mean if you didn't know about Korean Bands, once you read Christine blog. You'll be a frigging expert!

I saw one of the video she posted...I think it's called YG...or something like that....

and dang..........

HE IS SOOOO HOT! AND REALLY COOL!

ALL IN ONE!!!

I wished he was on sale....

LOL!

but, yeah, now...I just go to Christine blog and look at him....hahah...and I LOVE LOVE LOVE....lurve...... his....dance.

It's soooo sexy.

Had an orgasm again.

Gosh, I feel like Jesse McCartney.

Oh, btw, he looks like Chucky! Like the Chucky doll! The one that kills people....

No wonder his sex appeal is so NOT Appealing to me....

Just check him out here...

Make sure YOU pause at 0:23.....

He really looks like Chucky the murderous doll!

Back to a very great topic...

Christine wrote something deep in her blog that I kinda have to read about a Gazzilion times to understand.

Yeah, I am a BIMBO...what to do.. Gosh, do I have A.D.D? I keep getting off topic!!!!

So...anyways, she said about how people hang around with people they don't like...and how...well, how everybody is doing the exact same thing...at exactly the same time and how....we're thinking the same thing about this.

I mean...we're always thinking...

Does she like me?

Why is she so fucking irritating and why am I with her????

Just think about it....While you're thinking this, someone in the same group is thinking the exact same thing about you.

Depressing, right?

Or was it just confusing for you guys?

I am not good at explaining....but...you should read Christine blog....She explains way better.

I was just inspired to write that we always hope that people would think we're good people. or we're nice people. Ok, maybe there are some exception...some people just really don't care at all. But for people to like me...it kind of means something to me. I don't want to think that people are actually bitching about me...but that, obviously, can't be help...I mean I bitch about people...around me... (run and slit own throat)....

It's just amaze me...that somebody else feel the same way too...

Christine tells it like it is...and her blogs make you face you....the pretty you and the ugly you...and make you embrace them both...

Her blogs and her words really inspire me...

So much that I had to write a blog...which probably won't make sense....LOL.

So I suggest you guys go read her blog..

She should have a name for her blog.....something called...

Face you....Face the real you.

OK peace out.

LOTS OF LOVE,

Shilla....

oh!!!

PS...

New moon tv spots are out...go check it out...I find the protecting her version was kinda lame...what is with the guy who narratored it?

Here is where I am.

2009-10-12T23:40:00.005+08:00

So...

Here I am. Not doing anything. I have not been thinking about what I should do.

I think what I am doing right now is call "taking a break".

Or lets just say I am not doing anything at all.

And, let me tell you, It feel soooooo good.

Not having to worry and not having that much of a responsibility.

It feels so damn good.

Almost like an orgasm.

Except for the fact I do not know how an orgasm feels like because I am freakishly repressed by my morals and religious belief to even touch myself.

Anyways, back to the topic, Yes...it really feels really good.

I know this wouldn't last but I am going to enjoy it while I can.

I have canceled my trip to Bali but that just mean I am going to be loaded soon and I would so happy again.

I decided not to go Bali because, well, I am scared New Moon would not be premiering in Bali and I might go there with my main reason of being there thrown to the rubbish bin and instead of me being so happy, I'll just be so miserable.

But, I think the plan might still be on.

I don't know.

I just know that...well, I am not so worried.

Whatever happens, Happens, right?

Also, I have gotten into reading a new series called Evernight.

It's by Claudia Gray and I think I love it.

And it's a freaking series.

And....it's about Vampires. ( I know some of you are smirking right now.)

I love it....I seriously do because this time, it's not about being in love (ok, maybe a little romance between the main character, Bianca and Lucas) it's about staying together no matter how different you are between each other. It's a gr8 book.

I am done with the first part of the series (and I didn't spent a single cent, it was a library book)

and I am dying to go on this adventure again only now...well, I have to own the book!!!!

I hate it when I am obsessed.

Anyway I would like to leave a Quote from Elbert Einstien. ( I hope I spelt his name right!)

"God did not create Evil. Evil happened when Men has lost the faith in God's Love."

Amazing, right? And he's a scientist!!! A freaking great one at that!

LIFE....a mess as yesterday.

2009-10-07T03:47:00.002+08:00

So...the good news is...I am not so emotional today. So I can see thing straight.

There is the bad news though.

I am definitely still so screwed and I have been doing alot of thinking.

I tried to go back to the stage where I screw everything over. And I think I know where exactly.

It's O levels.

I didn't really do well with it and I only got 3 credits...so it's not really worth it.

So maybe, I might want to take O levels again.

MIGHT.

I dunno if I will go ahead with it.

I have to think some more...

In the darkest moment in my life.

2009-10-05T22:22:00.001+08:00

I have some very bad news.

I don't think this feeling of lonliness or the confusion is a phase.

This is the most horrible moment of my life.

Home is not home anymore.

My dad has become a supporter of my mom.

I want to be alone and die.

Sleep Deprivation.

2009-10-05T17:15:00.004+08:00

When "THEY" say that sleep deprivation is bad for us, they're lying.

They tell us this so we won't ever see the truth.

The truth is, Sleep deprivation open up our eyes to see our life in the truest way possible.

I just got my dose of it today.

I am crossing my finger and praying to God Almighty that what I am seeing now...is not the future that was meant to be for me.

My future is bleak.

It's so unclear.

And this scares the hell out of me.

I am really very very scared and frightened.

I do not want to embrace this bleak future because it's not enough for me.

This blog has been about my ups and downs. Usually, my past post would have an element of funniness (is that even a word?) and I usually laugh my black moods away.

Today, it's so different.

I realize that I have been screwing up my life and been denying that I have been doing this.

The thing is, I drop out of NAFA and I thought it wouldn't affect me. But, just like before, when I fail....I can't help but feel like a loser.

I told my dad that I can't do it anymore and I SAW THE HESITATION IN HIS EYES....and I shut up. We never discussed this again.

I am an adult now. I am my own responsibility.

This revelation....scares me and make me feel alone. Like...HELLO BIG BAD WORLD, you know?

I have tried so hard to be the best and I never even made it to the good section let alone the best. There was always someone who was better than me and I was just trying too hard and not seeing the facts. I am reading between the lines of nothing and I am not actually deciphering anything. I am blind as a bat.

All my life, I have been scoffing at those who didn't know what they were suppose to do.

When I hear, "I am working. My highest education level is an N level Certificate."

I, then, would think...."you will never survive here with such a cert. I am never going to be like that. I will be in UNI. I will be something. I will get my parents a big bangalow and live happily."

And now?

I am one of "those" that I so often scoff at.

This is just great.

My friends ( the best in the world) would never agree to this....But I am a BAD PERSON. I don't deserve anything and....I am just going to make everyone disappointed in me. Again and again and again....it will never stop.

Sleep depirvation made me see how....screwed up I am. I have no real CERT and I have nothing to offer. I am just a normal average girl who is slipping in the grip of life.

Isabella asked me "What are you going to do?"

And I keep saying (crying on the phone) " I don't know. I don't know."

Usually, I hear that from someone else...now it's from my own mouth.

But.....

I have The best friends in the world.

I love you....so much...that I would not have survive anything....if you were not by my side.

Thanks for not giving advice because that the LAST thing that I wanted.

Thanks for understanding...

And thanks....for saying "don't Cry..."

I would try to immerse myself to thinking of what is going to happen.

I would sleep first...Just in case "THEY" were right.

Today was a panic day.

Today was the day I found out....

I am so screwed.....

2009-10-05T05:25:00.001+08:00

Tired...... that's a big word.

2009-09-26T00:45:00.002+08:00

Hey ppl!

It's been one long day and now I am just ready to rest my head and let dreams overcome my thoughts but before I hit the sack, I just want to talk about today,

Finally, I gone to school.

This was because, I had a sweet request from Farah to come so we can do the slides and so I did. And, well, The Nafa board had call saying that if I do not turn up, they have the POWER to expel me.

But, seriously, I wasn't bothered. I just don't think I want to learn anything more or the stress that is killing me and I hate the very core of that school. YUCKS.

Today has been a weird day. Having not come school for so long, I have forgotten alot of things...Like people's name and what happened if you do that. So...it was embarrassing. Haha...I told Aly that she was nice on MSN...and not so nice in real life or not as nice...hahaha....but all the same, she laughed.

After school which ended quite early and well, considering that we had presentation and Zaree was nervous..I had to go to work and I love it. Honestly, it's a form of escape and it's nice to work at MadJack! The people are friendly and I had so much fun.

So thats all!

I can't wait to go to bali! It's going to be a blast!

OMG!!!!!

2009-09-25T01:06:00.004+08:00

OMG!

Ok enough of that. I am totally freaking out.

I almost got into an accident about 30 minutes ago!!! Really! Omg!

Alhumdulilah( Thank God), Nothing happened. I went into shock just now because I was laughing all the way home and freaking out to Razia. She must have thought I have lost my mind.

I think I went to a state of shock.

The car almost hit me and I almost died, y'all. I really almost died. Today might have been the day you guys got the bad news that Roshilla, your friend or Best friend, had died at about 11:40 pm. At the tender age of 21. Just after her birthday.

Can you imagine my date of birth and my date of death on my grave???

23-09-1988 to 24-09-2009

People would look at my grave twice and think, "Whoa, I hope she at least had a blast on her birthday."

And I didn't!!!!

I am still in shock and my dad is on a mission to find who that moronic driver was.

Well, on to a less bugging topic.

Um....OMG!

Something awesome was announced on my birthday yesterday!!!

The Host by Stephenie Meyer would be made into a MOVIE! YEAH! I will finally see the host being played in action and I hope they find a really good IAN!!!!

I have been fantasising about IAN for God knows how long.....He's the Gentleman of the world. He's perfect. Except for one flaw, he doesn't exist!

Well, that's all.

I love you guys. I am saying it now because I am scared I may never be able to say it again.

Well...Enjoy, Shilla.

2009-09-22T01:08:00.000+08:00

Great, huh?