No drama

It has absolutely been a long while.

 

I don’t even know when my last entry was.

 

So how am I?

So far, things have been great. A little stagnant but rather that than any chaos I can’t handle.

I’m typically drama-free the past few months and the only drama I am getting is probably from TV series or from some reality tv that I am so hooked on.

I haven’t had a boyfriend yet and I am not intending to.

I have a secret to share and …I hope you don’t judge me.

 

I have this guy that I am talking to. He’s from Australia….

And we got to know each other through the app Okcupid. It’s been a while since I got to know him (I think it’s almost 2 years) and we’ve talked and skype a couple of times.

There were a couple of times that we were some sort of ‘intimate’ with this guy and I regret it every time I succumb to it. I don’t know if it’s guilt from how I was brought up or guilt from being intimate with someone whom I don’t even know.

It kinds of makes me feel like I’m cheap…and so dirty.

But he’s been nice as well. I mean, if I said no, he wouldn’t push it and I feel good. But because of this ‘intimate’ moment, it kind of scare me a little to meet him in real life. I don’t want to view like an object, you know?

Still, this could all be in my brain.

He have come and gone in Singapore before and suggested to meet but I got so freaked out that I deliberately took overtime at work so I could avoid meeting him and not lie to him.

What is wrong with me?

I think the root of the cause could be that…I just don’t want to lose my viginity so easily. Granted I am 27 and it’s about high time, but I just feel fear.

As much as I am a normal woman with horny needs, I have a fear of having a baby. Recent events have brought to life how big of a fear it is.

And also, as much as I AM A CONFIDENT woman, I have so much issue with my body. I don’t love it and I don’t see myself being able to strip naked and let the guy love my body.

I don’t know what to do.

He has suggested that I go to Australia and he could show me around and that seem pretty convenient too as I am planning to travel alone. He doesn’t seem to have any malicious intention so far.

I don’t know. This is hard.

 

Anyways, talk about having no drama in my life. Ha ha.

 
Also, I am very much in love with Charlie Puth. And if you don't know him, you probably know the song called "See you again" for the movie Fast and Furious 7.

You know the part you know? The Chorus?

That's Charlie Puth right there.

He's amazeballs.

It's March?!!!

Can anyone believe that we have entered and almost leaving the 3rd month of this year?

Everything is moving so fast and it's as if time is trying to chase on me being 30.

Yikes.

The big THREE AND O.

I am still a virgin if anyone of you are still wondering.

If, even, anyone ever read this blog of mine.

To bring you up to date, I am not going to my London trip after all (Shucks, I know!). Due to the changes at work, I had to delay my arrival to the city to next year. I will probably tell you about it once I am closer to the timeline.

Hopefully, it will work out.

Anyways, all these money I've saved now can go to something I've been meaning to do. Get a gym membership. I am going to go to see Virgin Active at Raffles Place with my bestie for life, Isabella. I've done my research and I hope it work out this time. Planning to visit the gym 3 times a week and also, try to change my eating habits.

2015 is still looking good.

I still have an amazing job and we have a few newbies joining us and I really can feel my seniority with all the knowledge I have collated all these few years I've been with the company.  I am getting more attached to people I see at work and I find myself suggesting to hang out with each other (which never ever happens) and making jokes with my colleagues.

I really do love my job and leaving it is the last thing on my mind.

So, I am not broke all the time and I do get to hang out with buddies once in a while.

Life is still good.

How I have been handling my life

Life in 2014 started off on a good start.

I had a good job.

I really do love my job.

The work dynamic in my place is just amazing.

I am planning on an amazing trip to London. I can hardly wait for that.

I have the most amazing friends I could ever asked for.

I have a family that I love (and totally hate at the same time)

I have my sister (and she happens to be one of best friends of all time)


I have came to learn on the importance of not caring too much about finding love and just letting it go. I have signed up and deleted on countless online dating website and again and again I have come up with nothing.

And just disappointed and also, I just got extremely tired because it was endless rounds of first dates. So I give up.

I am done with all this finding love thing. I am letting it be whatever it may be and if I end up totally alone in that department, I am good.

I am little burnt by this and may feel a little sad about this but realistically, I don't have time to be sad about it that much.

Time is ticking away and if I keep holding myself back,  I am just going to regret it. So I am going to start travelling around the world and also lose the weight if I could and I should. Oh well. I hope to prove some people wrong this coming new year and also... um, maybe get slimmer so I can buy more clothes for myself.

Haha.

This year is really one of the year that I've become my own, you know? I've embrace me and even my sister said I've changed a little.

I've become this person who won't take bullshit anymore and I've learnt to be more confrontational with things I've believe in.

Ok, not all the time, I still keep thoughts to myself. I remember Christine asking me once; why I wasn't confrontational and I couldn't give an answer and she asked; "is it because you blame yourself?"

and it all clicked.  I think the reason why I am not confrontational is because my mind works two to three steps ahead if I do voice out my thoughts.

like, would it really help the situation if I said what was going to say? will I regret it later on? Will I even win in this argument? Am I really NOT in the wrong here?

and most of the time, I think too much and I coward out. I just can't bring myself into hurting someone with my words and saying something I don't really mean and also, when I know if I just keep quiet, the person would see he/she was wrong and we can talk about it when we are not arguing and I would understand that he/she didn't mean it and I won't take it the wrong way.

But with all that being said, I don't take bullshit anymore not when I know I AM ON THE RIGHT SIDE. I speak out more and I am getting better at not feeling so guilty. I am still working on it.

What else?

I see the bigger picture in life now, and I try my hardest not to look at people as if they're insane or just weird. I try to embrace and not judge anyone now and I even encourage people to see that weird is unique and there is nothing wrong with that. I try.

I am happy. I can tell you that. Life is not perfect but I am happy with where I am right now. It's been a good year for me and I am looking forward to the new year, there's so much I want to do in 2015 and I do hope I get to do it.

See you in 2015.

WHAT a month?

I did it again.

My whole month with no rest no nothing.

It was worth it. I get to pay all my bills and other stuff and not be in debt.

Granted, most of my pay will be gone but I would at least be at ease and not worry about bills and whatever there is to worry about.

I would still have balance and I hope this month I practice being thrifty so that on the week of my birthday I wouldn't have any problem whatsoever should I wish to indulge on myself,.

Alright, that's all the update I've got for now.

About to go to bed. (and it's only about to be 7. Just too shacked.)

TOOOOODDDDLLLLEEES.

Writing some crap

I decided to write a story.

or a Novel.

Whichever sounds more sophisticated.

I have started writing it and I am still on chapter 1 but I think it would be a fun story!

Well, there's that.

I hope I finish this project of mine, no matter how long it takes.

HEH.

Taylor Swift new surprise song!!!!

Taylor Swift had a surprise for all of her fans.

She released her newest song and being a fan, I watched it this morning and I was so happy with the song!

That I had to buy it immediately off of iTunes!

The song is so encouraging and so fun and it wants to make you dance and let me tell you, my morning became so bright even though it was raining. I am definitely preodering this album because it's just so awesome.

Here's the MV:

The music video is so fun as you can see how ADORKABLE Taylor Swift is and how she just seem to have so much fun! LoL! In the song, she made fun of herself and I just find that she's pretty cool to do that.

She just couldn't careless about the rumours and she even used it to her advantage.

Yes, she may not have the best vocal in the industry but she does have spunk and she writes music that a typical girl like me could relate.

I just truly love her music.

I have fallen in love... with Sophie Kinsella aka Medeline Wickham

So, I decided to re-read one of the books that I bought and skimmed through ages ago because I was going through a phase where I was being all I-hate-chick-lit-books-it-doesn't-give-me-enough-intelligent-stuff-for-me-to-brag-about.

It was 'I've got your number' by Sophie Kinsella.

I made sure I didn't skimmed and really read the book properly this time and I was so glad I did. This book is so amazingly funny and I caught myself laughing again and again. I read this in the office as well and my seat mate even asked me if it was that funny. It seriously was.

This book was about a girl named Poppy who is just so... cute. She underestimate herself and always so careful with what she say to people until one day he path was crossed with someone who doesn't care about being nice to people.

Her thoughts are so funny and sometimes, I do get annoyed with her but the book.... got me engaged in her decision making.

There was even a Harry Potter reference! I could not get over it and I decided to tweet to Sophie Kinsella herself about it. 

She replied me.

The moment I got that notification, I was over the moon (hypothetically, of course)! she confirmed it and I knew, in that instance, that I would read her books again. 

I even bought some other books by her and I just recently finished "Can you keep a secret?" 

and I absolutely love it! I am an fan of hers now and I even might re read her Shopoholic series again because I wasn't really fair on my judgement towards Becky Bloomwood.  

I have bought her "Wedding night" as well 

and remembering skipping a few pages because I just wanted to know how it ended and also because... at that point, I was a ... sexually deprive female and this chick lit books were pissing me off with lack of sexual encounter. 

That's embarrassing to remember But I will try to find it in my closet of books (yep, you read that right. Not shelves but a closet..and it's SUPER messy.), I am sure I saw it the other day. Ha.

In the mean time, though, I will start reading "Twenties girl"

I seriously cannot wait to start reading this because this time, it's not a man that comes into the main protagonist life. It's her aunt... well the ghost of her aunt. I am sure this is wickedly funny as well.

I will let you know!